- Gardening
- Sewing (better)
- Cooking
- Organizing
- Decorating
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My internet access has been kind of sporatic, so forgive my lag in blogging.
Also contributing to my lack of communication: THEN channel. Oh yes. 24-hours a day of 90s and slightly more recent television greatness.
More later.
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My friend Bekah lent me a book last week called Love to Eat, Hate to Eat: Breaking the Bondage of Destructive Eating Habits, and I began reading it immediately. So far, I’ve made it through two chapters, and already I am appreciating the words that God is speaking to me through this book. This isn’t your typical diet book, and it certainly isn’t a self-help book about losing weight. It’s a book that genuinely examines the reasons that we have poor body image, why we have destructive food habits, and how God sees these sins. I thought I’d periodically share some of it with y’all, and I’d love to hear your feedback. Don’t be surprised to receive a copy for Christmas! I think all women, and a lot of men can appreciate parts of what the author is saying.
Being a girl who is around 200 pounds overweight, I was surprised to wake up one morning recently and realize that I’m quicksand where my health is concerned. Following an entire day of doctor’s appointments and hearing the pleas of these medical professionals begging me to lose weight, and throwing around words like “heart attack” and “infertile”, I began to come around the the reality that there is a deeper problem than just laziness or overeating at hand. Pride. Unwillingness to deal with reality. Unbelief. I don’t know which is more to blame, but is clearer to me that this, as well as all other struggles in my life, are due to deep-seeded sin which only God can root out.
The Introduction of the book is titled, “There Is Hope For You.” I teared up before even reading a sentence. No matter how often this is said to me, I still struggle to believe it. But the Gospel penetrates even this part of my life. The author, Elise Fitzpatrick, says this:
“…Change won’t happen just because you chose to read this book. No, the hope for this change is based on something much more wonderful and awesome than this little volume. This hope rests on God. He alone is the heart-knower. This of it- He truly knows you! He knows you so well, He can deeply transform you. The principles presented here rest in the assured confidence that God’s word is powerful. The writer of Hebrews describes it in this way: “the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-eged sword.” The Holy Spirit uses God’s Word in your life to teach, reprove, correct, and train you in righteousness. You can have hope because the Word of God is true, powerful, and eternal… God has pledged Himself–His changeless being– that He will be faithful to carry out all His Word. He has also pledged that He will be faithful to you, especially in your struggle against sin and temptation. As if this weren’t enough, you can also rest in the knowledge that your Savior, Jesus Christ, has made the way for you to be completely freed from your sins… Whereas you were once in bondage to the world, the flesh, and the devil, you now can rejoice in your new life of freedom.”
The first chapter discusses how our health applies to our spiritual lives by bringing in the first question of the Westminster Larger Catechism: “What is the chief end of man? The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.”
“…You and I were put here principally to bring glory to God. I know that is kind of an astonishing thought, but actually, that is the purpose of all of God’s creation isn’t it? The mountains, the stairs… Why, the Bible says that even the trees clapt their hands in giving glory to God… Paul puts the same thought this way: “Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”… It’s not as though God needs us to let others know how great He is; it’s because of His abounding grace and mercy that He has allowed us to be involved in this great plan and purpose.”
“The first step in learning to live a life that glorifies God is to realize that ever part of our lives is lived before Him. You might think that God wants us to glorify Him only in those parts of our life that we might call religious such as going to church or praying or reading His word. Or it may seem that glorifying God is just for really spiritual people, like Billy Graham, or perhaps church leaders or pastors. But it’s not just strong Christians who can glorify Him, nor is glorifying God limited to the spiritual realm. The Bible says we can look at all of our life as belonging to Him and as an avenue through which we can bless Him… Does God really care about how much we eat? Does He really care whether or not we make ourselves throw up? Yes, God really cares. He cares because He loves you and me, and He cares because He created us to sparkle and shine with His light for others.”
“The [Christians in England who wrote the WLC] realized that we exist not only to glorify God, but also to “enjoy Him forever!” God’s plan for you is to enjoy Him! The same God who is the creator of the entire universe, who holds everything in its place by His power, who isn’t bound by either time or space, also wants you to have a close relationship with Him that you can say, “I really enjoy God. He satisfies my heart.” God invites you to glorify and enjoy Him. He really is altogether lovely, isn’t He? He wants to use your life to glorify Himself and to bring you great joy. That is possible even for you.”
I could sit and type the entire book to you today. The Father is reminding me of things I should already know, and He encourages me and comforts me with these words. More later. Thoughts on this so far?
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I love my city– especially on perfect weather days like today. I’m writing to you from my backyard where the air is the same temperature as my skin. The sky is clear above me. The sun shines bright and warm, uninhibited by clouds. My peppery skin is brown from the remnants of summer. I can hear the faint sounds of my new CD playing on repeat in the living room drifting through the open windows where the curtains are gliding graciously up and down to the rhythm of the breeze. I can hear the hum of a nearby lawn mower and I can smell the fresh-cut grass coming from my neighbor’s yard. I’m surrounded by a few fallen leaves, the tiny pumpkins I grabbed from Whole Foods last week, and a sweet sleeping pup sunbathing on his back. In one hand, I have a cool glass of the yummy peach tea Blakely left behind, and in the other a book. The whole scene is befitting a San Antonio fall afternoon. Yes, I love my city. Especially on perfect weather days like today.
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The proverbial “they” say that when something is missing and you’re frustrated by looking for it to take a break, not think about it, and try again later. That’s what I’m doing. I’m not obsessing over the disappearance of my keys somewhere in the vicinity of Casa de Clement. Instead, I’m blogging and not thinking about where the heck they could be hiding. I’m not thinking about the small dark corner in which they lay. I’m not getting a headache wondering whether I’ll be able to get my Sunday School materials out of my car by morning. Just me. Blogging. Not thinking about the keys.
Today, I took John Huss & Gardner to my old stomping ground. We departed (in the Clement van, which does not require me to know where my keys are) for Floresville this morning at about 8:45am, to enjoy the 64th Annual Peanut Festival parade. After parking my car directly across the street from where my old home used to stand (IT WAS GONE!), the three of us journeyed a full three blocks toward the middle of town to find a comfy spot. Comfy spot: we did not find. Suitable: we did.
This was the first Peanut Festival I’d attended since I was thirteen, so I was both anxious and excited about returning to see what I’d missed. I’ll tell you what was missing (besides my keys, of course)– MY HOUSE. And just about every business that once thrived in my tiny little town. Except JC Superburger and P&T’s. Those was still there. Thank God. Seriously, though. The quaint little slightly-ghetto town in which I once lived is now a commercialized slightly more ghetto town. I find this problematic. I digress.
We picked our spot, and immediately I began to see dozens of faces from my past. I’m sort of glad no one recognized me, because there were just SO MANY. I saw tons of men who used to be on the fire department with my dad. I saw several old teachers, one of which actually did recognize me. Seventeen years later. I am apparently scarred into his brain. The poor man. I saw my former dentist. My former doctor. A former babysitter. I saw parents of old friends. I saw some really old friends who probably don’t even realize that I ever moved away. The few people I did hope to see where nowhere to be found.
As I watched the two hour parade of horses and tractors and marching bands (of which I used to be a part) and Shriners and princesses and princes, I considered what it might look like for me to move back to Floresville or a town like it. I surprised myself: it probably wouldn’t be so bad, if I had a good job!
I smiled as I saw an entire town socialize together. They’ve known one another their entire lives. They were schooled together. They’ve worked together. They’ve worshipped together. They’ve celebrated weddings and mourned the passing of loved ones… all together. I remembered what it was like to know and be known by an entire town. It was both wonderful and frightening. If you’ve ever seen an episode of Gilmore Girls, think Star’s Hollow.
Right now, I’m single and have no children. I don’t own a home and I’m still paying for my car. The thought occurs to me that as soon as it is time to settle down, I cannot wait to move to a small town again. No bigger than Odessa. Small. Tiny even. It might sound boring and humdrum, and it is, to be sure. But it’s also warm and constant. Even if my house is gone and an HEB has replaced my former towny-owned supermarket.
Posted in Days Go By, Memories | 4 Comments »
I’ve been absent these last few weeks. My job is hopping and I’m trying to keep up. Our office recently moved, which was incredibly eventful to say the least…
I’ve also been feeling really introverted here lately, as well. I will try to explain why. Somewhere between the Mommy Experiment and impromptu trips across the state and responsibilities and decisions for more technofasts I’m left feeling quiet. I feel insecure and uninterested and completely unwilling to discuss it all.
Let’s be honest: Part of the problem is exhaustion. Most of the problem is fear. Fear of being found out for the fraud that I am personally and spiritually. Fear of having to face my sins instead of just thinking about them. Fear of having to face God in prayer and admit to the atrocities that I commit on a day-to-day basis. Fear of my very self.
Yes, this is a hissy-fit of a post. I’m well aware.
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My stint as a parental figure ended on Thursday. I’d intended on immediately blogging about all of my (mis-)adventures, but as a cruel, cruel joke, my car stopped doing anything but sounding its alarm on Thursday evening, leaving me completely angry/exhausted/sweaty/stinky and ready for bed. Friday brought its own fury of life, and things just went downhill from there.
I am blogging to you this evening from the nifty little Mac of one E, whose dear, and incredibly well-behaved, kind, and obedient children are quietly sleeping across the house from me. :) I’m envious of her Mac. It doesn’t shout demands at me to restart by holding down the power button for several seconds. It might be missing when she returns home.
Ok, I’m avoiding the topic at hand. Here goes.
It was fun. Seriously. All of it. Except for the juggling work and kids thing. That part really sucked. A lot. Single parenthood is not something I’d recommend if it can be helped. All the more reason for the Covenant, my presby friends. All the more reason for the Covenant. The boys themselves were, as much as can reasonably be expected, very good kids. They obeyed usually on the first try. They were decent about the “yes ma’am” “no ma’am”, even if with a reminder. They were polite and respectful towards adults and their peers. They were awesome during church, although they couldn’t understand why they couldn’t “have any bread.” We did have to work quite a bit on flushing the comode, wearing a shirt at the dinner table, saying, “excuse me,” after belching, and taking our plates to the sink after dinner. All in all– a wonderful experience. Here are some things I learned during my two weeks as a single mom, in no particular order (this is in no way exhaustive).
- The child you butt heads with the most is the one who reminds you of yourself the most. It took me an entire week to figure this one out. My frustration level kept increasing until at some point it occurred to me that I was arguing with myself. Very eye-opening and VERY humbling.
- Although I’d rather listen to Kidd Kraddick or some pretentious musical choice in the morning, it actually benefits the kids to hear music about God instead. Even if our only choice was KLOVE.
- I actually did learn some things from my parents with regards to child-rearing:
- Mornings are sacred. The tone of the morning sets the tone for the child’s entire day. They really don’t recover from any bad mornings.
- Children should be able to reasonably bathe themselves by five. I can understand help with shampoo, etc., but there is no reason for me to scrub every crevasse of their bodies when they’re seven.
- Respect is non-negotiable. It is not funny to have a four year-old talk to you like he is an adult. “Mr. Last Name” and “Mrs. Last Name” are important, even when addressing younger adults.
- “Why?” is not an acceptable response to “Do such-and-such,” or “Don’t do such-and-such.”
- What’s made for dinner is what is for dinner.
- It’s not cute when anyone under the age of 16 says “sucks,” “butt,” or any other smart word.
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Right now I’m taking a short break from packing and preparing for my “second job”. At about 7 tonight, I’ll go to the home of the Dicksons: single mom + three boys, ages 7, 5, & 4. Mom is a civillian working for the Army, who travels for several days out of most months. Beginning tomorrow morning, I’ll be caring for her boys while she is away for ten days.
Essentially, our week days will look like this: Get up. Get ready for school/work. Drop the youngest at daycare. Drop the two older at school. Go to work. Work. Pick up all of the boys at afterschool care. Dinner. Homework. Baths. Rockin’ the Suburbs. Bed. Do over. MUCHO FUN!
On Saturday, the 20th, we have a big day planned at the San Antonio Zoo. We’re sort of considering seeing Suessical the Musical that evening, depending on energy level. Anyone who’d like to join us is more than welcome!
So, I’ll be playing mom for a few days. I have to admit that the thought pretty much scares the crap out of me, and excites me all at the same time. This will be quite the experience.
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Ugh.
In the interest of ‘realness’, here is my story. I spent yesterday afternoon in doctors’ offices. Here are the deets. Boys, I’m warning you now. This is a GIRL PART POST.
So Dr. Griffith (Reproductive Endocrinologist) did what is called an endometrial biopsy on me yesterday. Essentially, he stuck a straw through the speculum and through the wall of my uterus and scraped some cells. While it was happening, it felt like the most intense cramps you can imagine. Afterward and into the night and so far this morning, it felt/feels like the second worse cramps you can imagine. Since I’m not ovulating, and therefore don’t shed my uterine lining, he wanted to make sure that nothing it lurking there.
(A side note on this: When I was 13, shortly after starting my period, I was admitted into the hospital for severe pain in my abdomen, which at the time was presumed to be appendicitis. Once they began operating, they discovered that no, in actuality, I had peritonitis, which is an infection of the peritoneum, due to endometrial blood leaking into the peritoneum. They STOLE my appendix anyway (so kidding). I forgot to ask, but I wonder if this is at all related to my current issues.)
He said that although I do have some indications of uterine cancer, he said that my age was on my side. He confirmed that I do, in fact, have PCOS, without a doubt. For the record, personally, I do not think I have cancer.
Pending the outcome of the biopsy, he really, really wants me to try taking hormones: specifically the pill or another form of birth control. We talked about my concerns there– (1) Whether taking b.c. long term would affect my chances of getting pregnant when I’m ready; (2) Whether they would make me nauseated all of the time (I had this problem before); (3) Whether they would make me an ever-loving bitch (also had this problem before). He thinks that the NuvaRing would be my best bet because it releases hormones locally, and is less likely to affect my mood or make me nauseated, all the while forcing me to ovulate and taking care of some of the testosterone-driven problems that PCOS patients experience. Downside to the NuvaRing… something hanging out in my hoo-hah for three weeks a month. Not the thrill of my life, ya know?
We also talked about other options such as progesterone, which is a pro-pregnancy hormone that is also known to force you to ovulate. It would do it’s job in that regard, he said, but it would not help with testosterone problems, and it will make me hungry. He said that this would be more of an option when I’m ready to have children.
Yet another option, which I’ve tried, but didn’t particularly work was Metformin. Metformin is an insulin regulator, which helps you lose weight, and your body magically starts ovulating again. I didn’t lose weight, and therefore didn’t begin ovulating. I may talk to him about this again. I have a feeling that his answer will be similar to the progesterone question.
So this is basically all that I know. I hope I didn’t leave anything out. Let me know if there is some question left unanswered.
Oh yeah, regarding my weight: I’ve been working out every morning, doing about half an hour of cardio and about half an hour of light weights. I’ve been following the Weight Watchers plan, and I feel pretty successful. It was slow-going at first, but I’ve lost 10 pounds so far, and my short term goal is to lose 50 by 1/1/09.
While I’m staying with the Dickson kids, obviously I won’t have the opportunity to go to the gym, so I bought a DVD called Cardio Max, and it’s led by the Biggest Loser trainers. I’m HOPING that it will be conducive to a good work out for way out of shape people, considering the crowd they cater to. I’ll have the sweet Dickson boys Sunday, the 14th through Thursday, the 25th.
A very important side note: Dr. Griffith is 32, single, and geekily hot. Sadly, due to this experience, he is wholly undatable.
Posted in Days Go By, The Single Life | 1 Comment »
