We Should See Other Blogs

When you get older, you’ll start to spell better and use more punctuation. This is so you don’t look like an idiot kid with their idiot kid language.
Sometimes you have to let things slide, even when you think they’re important.
You’ll never have time to do all the things you want to do. You’ll end up doing easy things instead. All the things you want to do are harder than you think.
Everything can be made into a double entendre if you want to. You shouldn’t want to.
Writing things on Facebook and Twitter and your blog is a lot easier than cleaning the house. Clean the house anyways. In fact, clean my house while you’re at it, as I’m busy on my blog.
Danger is usually in your mind. You live in one of the safest periods in human history, hysteria about crime notwithstanding.
Don’t buy a Mac unless you’re a designer. Even then, ponder it deeply. Macs are made of the same plastic and metal as everything else. They fail just as often. They are not the source of your power.
Brush your teeth. Floss. You’ll never regret if you do.
Remember that the world is powered by caffeine and sugar. You know what to do.
Don’t become famous. Being famous is a pain in the ass.
Every time you read the Bible, you’ll find something in it that you never noticed before. Try Proverbs. Good place to start.
Have as few cars as possible. Drive them sparingly. Walk lots. Never buy a new car. Have comfortable shoes.
Get groceries a few times a week instead of once a month. You’ll end up buying more vegetables that way.
A vegetable-heavy stir fry is better for you than a bag of chips or an instant dinner.
The easiest way to control the ingredients of your food is to cook for yourself. Approach cooking as a fun skill to be learned. Take pride in your accomplishments and learn from your mistakes. Don’t loose heart: your mistakes will probably still be edible.
Buy a good knife. Sharpen it often. If it can’t cut a tomato easily, you’re doing it wrong.
Give money to the church even if you don’t like what they’re doing with it. It’s not your money anyway.
Kids need pets. If you have a kid, get them a pet.
Kids need sports. If you have a kid, make them kick a ball around or something. There’s all kinds of value in that.
Tea and coffee are different. Tea is light. Coffee is heavy. Tea is for the evenings, coffee for the morning. There’s no shame in adding dairy to either.
Aspartame is not evil. Some people say it is, but a crazy thing called the scientific method says it’s not.
Vaccinate your children. They’re not going to jump up the autism spectrum if you do. That’s crazy people bullshit. Not vaccinating is terribly selfish.
Always ask, “What if everyone did this?” If the result sucks, don’t do it. For instance, if everyone drove to work in a Hummer.
Don’t be afraid of wasting your time. Don’t listen to crazy people who tell you to rush through life. Chill out. Then do something rewarding.
Read poetry. Moreover, read poetry you don’t immediately understand. There’s an entire world of people who think differently from you.
Stick to your guns. But sometimes don’t.
It’s not really important if people like you, but if everyone dislikes you, you’re probably a jerk.
Don’t listen to this guy who writes things on the internet. He probably doesn’t know that much.
Common sense is crap. Like anything common, it’s worthless. It’s called “herd instinct” and one day when you find yourself in a riot, running out of store with a TV in your arms, I’ll be here to say “I told you so”.
Oxford commas. Use them. And semicolons. They’ll save your life one day.
Don’t argue with idiots. Idiocy is contagious.
Argue with idiots. Take them down a notch.
Clear out a space where you can listen to music uninterrupted. Buy a record and listen to it all the way through. Really listen.
Put your keys in the same place every time. This way you won’t lose your keys.
Don’t throw recycling in the trash bin. Try to be a good citizen.
The greatest rebellion of all is to check out of the system of rebellion altogether, but that’s the one rebellion the system won’t tolerate.
If you ever do manage to check out of the system, they’re going to watch what you do and try to sell it to other people. Don’t get mad; why should you care?