One Shot

You get one shot. Do you ever stop to understand that? It’s almost crazy; you’d think you get a few tries to get it right, but no. You come into the world screaming, maybe leave it that way too, and that’s it. Boom. The mortal coil unwinds and you fade from memory.

That scares me more than anything - that I’ll be forgotten. It scares me that the people left behind will go on, and the people I loved will eventually have moments when they forget I existed. And then it’ll almost be as if I hadn’t existed at all.

See, I had one of those moment this morning: I woke up, got out of bed, brushed my teeth, and was spitting water into the sink to watch it swirl out of sight when I remembered why I shouldn’t be happy. Even then for a few seconds it puzzled me. What was there to be sad about?

Oh, you. When the memory came back, it came back full force and hit me like a falling building. And it went, again, after a little while. You’ve gone sideways, and I’ve kept moving forward. But it seems unjust, somehow. I should be in a deep, dark pit of despair I can’t escape from. I should write bitter prose about life and its chance and design.

I should, but every day it’s longer before I recall why I almost stopped breathing. My heart maybe skips a beat, but it goes on.

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Posted October 22nd, 2005 in fiction. Tagged: .

4 comments:

  1. jules:

    The people who leave screaming are the ones who give me nightmares… When no matter what drug they are given they can’t stop the pain because they know where they are going….

    I never want to hold the hand of someone who is dying lost again…. when there is nothing left to say….

    Ick… there goes my good nights sleep.

    October 23rd, 2005 at 12:01 am
  2. Rhonda:

    The first paragraph reminds me of an Eminem song. :)

    October 23rd, 2005 at 4:24 am
  3. Inquistitive:

    wouldnt you say its time?

    October 23rd, 2005 at 5:28 pm
  4. daniel:

    Thanks for that oblique response. The answer is no, and leave your bloody name!

    dan (hates anonymous people and oblique comments)

    October 23rd, 2005 at 5:52 pm

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