I think the saddest lie we tell our children is also the most culture-pervasive one: “You can do whatever you put your mind to.” We all know it’s qualified by the physical universe - I still can’t stick my elbow in my ear no matter how hard I try - and that seems enough for most people. We here and now living in a land of opportunity and freedom have choices and everyone is equal and look at the rainbows and (again) the unicorns running around in the field.

It’s wishful thinking. The bareboned facts are that we don’t all start of equal, we all have different qualifications, and some of us really suck at what we want to do. If you start poor, sure, you can become rich - but rags to silk is the exception, not the rule. Many, many people are driven to succeed because of their living standards as children and adolescents, but few of them ever get anywhere. In fact, the reality of the situation is probably more an incremental increase from poverty to the median over generations.

And what’s the point of trying to be a tennis player if you’re skilled at the oboe and seem to be all left feet? Do you have something to prove, that you’re not pre-determined but, no, you’re a self-made man? How stupid is that? Can you imagine a person fighting against their natural abilities all their life to accomplish some dream, and then be celebrated for struggling against the odds? I can: our culture’s great athletic stories are men and women triumphing over outside factors to achieve some sort of dubious glory. Here we are, celebrating the human will. And it’s bullshit most of the time. What exactly is the shame in giving up and doing what you were made to?

I will never, ever tell my children that they can do whatever they put their mind to. I’m not going to sow false seeds of egalitarian hope in their little minds. Nope, the world is a harsh place, but enjoyable. You can do what you can do. You find out what you can do by trying to do it. If it doesn’t work, try again. If it still doesn’t work, try something else. If the girl keeps dumping you, let her go. If you can be a programmer, be an artist. If you can’t be an artist, be a chef. If you can’t be a chef, be a mother. If you can’t be a mother, be a lawyer. Rinse, repeat.

Dan (Doesn’t like lying to children.)

Tags: polemics