So here I am. You’re never going to guess where (and if you guessed “New York”, leave. Now). Okay, I’ll tell you. I’m looking at Staten Island from the shores of Manhatten. At least that’s where I think I am.

We haven’t done too much of anything today: to be honest, we’ve really flaked out a lot and just bummed around town (something that involves altogether too much walking imho). Let me tell you - if you’re out of shape and you live in NY, I have no idea how you do it, especially in a heat wave. If you don’t own a car - and why would you? - you have to walk everywhere. And if you don’t walk, you have to take transit, which you also have to walk to. Not to mention that food and just about everything costs an arm and a leg - well, it’s got to be a lot cheaper to be in shape.

You know, I’ve done a lot of walking around Toronto, and I’ve come to realize how different the two cities are and how they feel. First off, there are yellow taxies everywhere here. And I do mean everywhere. Not only are they everywhere but there’s about seven million of them, and they do things that cars are not supposed to be physically able to do.

Second, the city is so dirty! I mean, Toronto’s not exactly Toronto the Clean - but it’s got a few people going around picking up trash, and they do a pretty good job of it. There’s garbage just about everywhere except where I am right now.

Not to mention that the people that work in the brand name restaurants are all, without exception, rude and unprofessional. Every Starbuck’s I’ve been to has treated me like they were doing a favour serving me coffee - not something positive to wash the grande bold down if you know what I mean.

And there’s graffiti everywhere. On every surface you can imagine except near people holding guns.

Which, I might add, there are a lot of. In all the larger subway stations stand armed US guards with very large rifles looking not at all impressed that you’re in their subway station with that knapsack, sucka!

Anyways, apart from all that, the heatwave rolls on like a cannibal devouring a human corpse - and it’s record temperatures here. We walk around drenched in sweat and full of water, something that is quite literally worth its weight in gold around here.

Jazz in the Park is treating us well - it’s full of young people maybe my age or younger, and although some of the staff is rude and obviously want to be working in garbage collection or gas pumping instead of at a hostel, everything works, the people staying there are mostly nice and European, and the free breakfast is a bagel, a piece of fruit, and some tea. Because the coffee machine is broken - me not impressed. I’m almost at the point of going out and buying a personal coffee maker so I can do it myself just for kicks. I mean, morning is not morning without coffee. And morning is not morning while drinking diet coke: I will not turn into my father, washing down my breakfast with a carbonated beverage!

Also, churches in New York are remarkably hard to find - and when you do find them, they’re all about being inclusive of people like, oh, say, homosexuals.

Um, yeah. Keep reading them Bibles, guys.

-Later-

Back on the metro again heading uptown; I have a length of “caution” tape from near Ground Zero wrapped around my arm. It’s a warning to women everywhere. I am a danger to you. Be cautious around me. Not only is my personality contagious, but accidental inflation of your self-esteem, and also random acts of danger may happen when you are near my person. Yes, that’s right. Avoid me! Avoid me!

Oh the sweetness of having an iBook! I may not like Macs very much, and I may have no special respect for Steve Jobs and the reality distortion field, and I may never own an iPod, but this machine is a thing of undeniable beauty and utility: I think that if Nick wouldn’t notice it missing I might “borrow” it for a while. That, however, is as likely to happen as this subway train morphing into a dragon and flying us off on its back into the sunset. That is to say, not very likely.

And to all my friends out there, special or otherwise, hugs and kisses. I love you all and miss you greatly.

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