It’s all about circles. Well, it’s not all about circles. The title of this blog is, after all, something do with getting somewhere, and yeah, I’ve gotten somewhere. Just not far enough. Ever have that feeling? I got it right now.

I was writing in my journal a few minutes ago, jotting down some rather random notes about this and that, and it occured to me that maybe Jesus has won the war, but I keep fighting and losing the same battles over and over again. I may be a more well-rounded person (no, not just my figure) and more mature and able to deal with a whole bunch more situations and more receptive to other people’s thoughts and feeling and more sensitive and less afraid and all sorts of other things that would make this run-on stretch to the moon and back. Those things I may be, but those basic battles against my instincts and my own mind - that’s where it gets tough. Maybe I just haven’t been honest enough with enough people to actually have anyone stand with me and keep me in community and all that. Maybe I haven’t been close enough to God. Whatever the reason, it’s frustrating.

My car is a great example of me. Right now, it’s a mess. But it’s a mess I’m darn sick of. Every time I get into it I’m like, “Wow, any day now I’m just going to clean this thing all the way up!” And tonight I did a little bit of that. But what worries me is the two months I spent looking at it and throwing up a little in the back of my throat. That’s me, right there. I value my car - I do. It gets oil changes when it needs it (mostly) and maintenance and all that pretty stuff. But what if I treat everything I value that way? What happens if one day I get the girl and after the conquest is all over and a new chapter opens things start getting messy and I go, “Wow, any day now, I’m going to make this thing better,” and then wait for a few months until it’s almost too hard to clean it up? That scares me. I scare myself.

Something tells me you’re in the same boat. I mean, this isn’t just me, right? I know a lot of people like that, last minute people and people who are just bad at maintenance. Then again, a lot of those people lead pretty good lives and don’t seem to mess up all that often. Key word: seem. I’ve always been the kid that spills coffee on my face and shirt and just about everything else the very moment before the beautiful woman shows up and looks at me like, “Okay, you’re nice, but learn how to drink already!” I’m the guy that gets the frisbee in the face. I’m the guy that routinely falls down my steps in the wintertime because I ran out of salt again.

On the other hand, Kirk may not like Derek that much these days, but I still like the words:

This day’s been crazy
but everything’s happened on schedule,
from the rain and the cold
to the drink that I spilled on my shirt,
but you knew this day
long before I fell dead in the garden
and you knew this day
long before you made me out of dirt.

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