I went out with Nick today. I bought a guitar, and wrote a whole bunch of not too terrible songs. It’s a great guitar, black, with a round back and great action. Bright, too, just like my old one. Now, of course, I need to save up for an amp and some cords and such. But I’m very glad I bought it. I need something to invest time in right now.

Idols are interesting things, aren’t they? Where they pop up, and how you can trade one for another one with such ease. You get rid of Ba’al, only to keep the building that housed him. You get rid of Asherah, but keep the grove. You’re forced to give up the present, but instead end up worshipping the future.

And God works in mysterious ways. I don’t understand him. I don’t get the plan - and maybe I never will. Who knows. Maybe it’s all way too far above my head to actually grasp in these tiny little hands. Maybe it’s something to wrestle with, until it touches your hip and calls you Israel. Maybe it’s a rock to lay you lay your head on and dream heavenly ladders and angels.

Maybe I’ll look back on my life before I die, provided I’m granted that long, and see the overarching purpose of it all. And maybe it’ll be God saying, “No, me first. Not that, not now. Me, now. Don’t grow toward that. Grow toward me.”

Maybe I’ll die in peace, having run the course of my own river, the one that carries so many other people with it.

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