Hello, friends.

This is by far the hardest time I’ve ever had over a girl. By far. I feel like all the threads we’ve woven into eachother are being pulled out one by one. Like I was climbing a hill, only to find an unpassable mountain beyond it. Like I was brutally pulled out of the womb, and my first breaths are more painful than I could have imagined.

I feel like a failure. Again. Another one ends. Sure, this was different. Circumstances, faces, people: all these things are different. But the end result’s the same. In some ways, I’ve lost my best friend, and any friendship beyond this is just an imitation. We’ll be the ghost of what we were.

I have the pictures and the memories. For that, I’m thankful. The past has been beautiful, this four month stand. Really, it felt like forever. It was supposed to be forever - but it isn’t. And going back to that place, the place where she was freshly minted in my mind as just a possibility - that’s more than difficult. It’s impossible.

And while my fought-for optimism fails me, I barely dare hope for a fresh beginning, that elusive someday. That’s too much to ask, even of this beautiful life.

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Posted February 28th, 2005 in main.

2 comments:

  1. Laurs:

    Sheat man, I’ve never even HEARD of you bein like this before.
    I can’t imagine.. and I’m not trying to give you some corny advice that I know nothing about.
    You’s are being prayed for tho :S

    Ciao man.

    February 28th, 2005 at 5:22 pm
  2. SGT:

    Dax..I’m crying for you. Your post is bringing back some memories, a time, events, that left me a shell. I will not give advice, or try to comfort - because I know that anything I say is not the comfort you need. I can only give you my friendship - and many prayers on your behalf. May God hold you in His hands while your world shatters.

    February 28th, 2005 at 6:08 pm

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