Snow has fallen, and I have no shovel. There are two options here: my landlady put it in the garage, or someone stole it. I’m leaning toward stole. Now I need a shotgun so I can track down the thief, get my shovel back, and shoot out his tires. Or if he doesn’t have tires, I’ll shoot his dog. Or if he doesn’t have a dog, I’ll just pack up my shotgun, grab my shovel, and go home. You have been warned, shovel-thief.

I have also had an idea, courtesy of The Rumor Forum:

Let’s get some people together and form a band. A band that produces music that is intensely bizzare, yet somewhat accessible. We’ll make two albums, labour in relative obscurity, and then call it quits and have a “best of” album, and a “making of the best of” DVD.

Then we get back together a year later, and do two more albums. Only, one of the band members is having drug problems, and he’s the lynchpin of the whole thing, so we have to take an “indefinite” break. We release another “best of” album and DVD.

Then a year and a half later we come back *again*, release two more albums, and quit for good, having become a cult sensation. We release a final “best of” album and “making of” dvd. Then we tour one last time, and then again, one last time. One more album: the live “best of” album with a DVD.

Then a year later around Christmas, we release a box set of the “best of” albums, complete with an entire disc of b-sides, and the box set of the dvds, both separate, or course. We get together for one last reunion tour, and retire very rich men.

And, two years later, we release a “Best of the Making of the Best of” and a “Making of the Best of the Making of the Best of” just to mock our now-weary fans, and somewhere in the liners of one of the albums, we tell them how all our songs that they argued about for so long were actually just about fish.

What do people do without hockey, you ask? They shovel snow. What do they do without snow? Rob convenience stores. What do they do without convenience stores? I don’t know. I only know one country that doesn’t have them, and it’s in Africa somewhere, and I don’t know its name. And in that country they also don’t have snow and hockey. Frankly, all they have to do over there is start civil wars and military coups.

Also, France. I would like to talk about France. I don’t like France, because France is full of French people that speak French. All that’s good about France is the food, which is made by French people. At this point, you’re thinking that I’m racist. Well, I’m not. I love all people equally, unless they’re French.

Okay, I was kidding. Maybe I don’t hate French people. I hate poodles, though. I think I’m pretty safe saying that.

No tag for this post.