If you’re like me, some words are probably pretty intimidating, like the word “woman” or “giant rock monster”. But one word I’ve come to grips with is the word “ass”. I admit, it’s been a long road getting here, having been instilled from a young age with a fear of the word “ass”, but I have overcome. I have overcome without expensive group therapy bills, and without being arrested as a public nuisance.

The key to this victory is knowledge; a certain street smarts about what this intimidating word actually means. You need to know the enemy in order to conquer it. It’s not that hard: you sit on the enemy pretty much every day.

Please be aware that this post contains a frank discussion of some words that some people may find mildly offensive, so if you don’t feel particularly called to read this, don’t.

Once upon a time, an ass referred to:

• A donkey.

One may find commonly cited examples in the Bible, such as the Ten Commandments, where the Lord instructed Israel not to “covet thy neighbor’s ass”, an instruction that may seem mildly comical today.

However, in modern times “ass” has come to refer to several different things, none of which are

• A donkey.

In fact, most of the referents of the word “ass” have nothing to do with animals at all.

To be precise, the modern “ass” is a few things.

• One’s derriere, or “butt”.
• A complete fool.
• The back end of an object.

The noun form of the word “ass” is used to describe a person’s rear end for whatever reason, and as an anatomical referant, doesn’t garner much criticism. However, the adjective form, especially when paired with other words, is considered by most to be derogatory and offensive.

Examples of the conjunctive use of ass are,

• Dumbass
• Smartass
• Ass-clown
• Ass-wipe
• Ass last
• Asshole

Most of these will provoke negative reactions unlesss used judiciously, or not at all.

Other, more random uses of the word “ass” occur in even more offensive situations, such as when a man might crudely suggest that he’s “hunting some ass” or going to “get some ass”, by which he means either hunting women or a sexual encounter. Each of these uses is considered extremely offensive by quite a few women.

Finally, “ass” is sometimes used in conjunction with other formerly crude words, such as the word “suck” or “sucks”, such as in the phrase

• Sucks ass.

Such a usuage is meant to convey disappointment at an outcome of some event or action.

* * *

I hope you have found this demystifying of the word “ass” enlightening. I also hope that it will help you understand why people use it when they do. I also hope you get a pizza.

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