I decided (because of the excellent tools available), to render yesterday’s entry in l33t, because that’s sort of fun, isn’t it? So here we go. 1 c411 17 “7h3 C4r”.

“Th3 C@r”

I driv3 l0ng di$t@nc3$ $0|v|3ti|v|3$. It’$ |v|y j0b. I’v3 b33n t0 @riz0n@, 3v3n. B33n @ l0t 0f pl@c3$. L0t$ 0f kil0|v|3tr3$.

I inh3rit3d thi$ c@r fr0|v| |v|y f@th3r @b0ut thirty y3@r$ @g0. @ l0t 0f p30pl3 driv3 n3w F0rd$ @nd l00k @t |v|3 lik3 I’|v| driving @ T. But it $till w0rk$ — I’v3 g0n3 t0 @riz0n@ with thi$ thing. Thi$ i$ wh@t I t3ll th3|v|, but th3y n3v3r li$t3n. Th3y g3t in th3ir F0rd$ @nd driv3 0ff $h@king th3ir c0ll3ctiv3 h3@d$. |v|3$$ up 3xp3n$iv3 h@ird0$. I u$u@lly $hrug it 0ff @nd k33p driving.

But th3 0th3r d@y I $@w th3 0dd3$t thing. I w@$ in up$t@t3 N3w Y0rk, 0n3 0n3 0f th0$3 r@r3 c0untry r0@d$ th@t $33|v| t0 n3v3r 3nd, @nd $33|v| t0 b3 p0pul@t3d l3$$ by fu3ling $t@ti0n$ @nd |v|0r3 by liv3$t0ck. Th@t’$ pr3tty n0r|v|@l, @t l3@$t in |v|0nt@n@. But th3r3 in N3w Y0rk I w@$ driving @l0ng h@ppily wh3n I $@w @ c@r 0n th3 $id3 0f th3 r0@d, 0bvi0u$ly in tr0ubl3. 0n3 th3 fr0nt tyr3$ w@$ |v|i$$ing, th3 @xl3 up 0n bl0ck$.

I $t0pp3d, b3c@u$3 th@t’$ wh@t I d0. I h3lp p30pl3. It’$ |v|y j0b. Wh3n I w@lk3d up t0 th@t $lightly du$ty l@t3-|v|0d3l, h0w3v3r, I n0tic3d 0nly 0n3 0ccup@nt, @$l33p @t th3 $t33ring wh33l. Kn0cking 0n th3 wind0w, I $@w hi|v| $tir, ju$t @ bit. Th3n @ bit h@rd3r. @nd @ bit h@rd3r y3t. H3 w0k3 with @ $t@rt @nd $t@r3d up @t |v|3, n0t @ bit @nn0y3d.

H3 r0ll3d d0wn th3 wind0w. “Wh@t d0 y0u w@nt?” h3 $n@pp3d. “C@n’t y0u $33 I w@$ $l33ping?”

I w@$ t@k3n @b@ck f0r @ $3c0nd. N0r|v|@lly p30pl3 @r3 h@ppy t0 $33 0th3r p30pl3. F0r|v| $0|v|3 $0rt 0f @b$urd c0|v||v|unity in th3 |v|iddl3 0f n0wh3r3. “D0 y0u n33d h3lp?” I @$k3d. P0lit3ly. P30pl3 lik3 p0lit3 p30pl3.

“Why w0uld I n33d h3lp?” H3 $33|v|3d incr3dul0u$, lik3 I h@d ju$t 0ff3r3d t0 $3ll hi|v| @n 3xtr@ kidn3y.

I p0int3d t0 th3 fr0nt wh33l. “I n0tic3d th@t y0u’r3 |v|i$$ing @ tyr3.”

“It’$ n0t |v|i$$ing,” h3 grunt3d, fr0wning. “Th@t’$ th3 w@y it’$ $upp0$3d t0 b3.”

“H0w d0 y0u driv3 @ c@r wh3n it’$ up 0n bl0ck$?” It $33|v|3d lik3 @ p3rf3ctly n0r|v|@l qu3$ti0n t0 |v|3.

H3 $t0pp3d grunting @nd $t@rt3d gr0wling. “$@y$ wh0? Thi$ thing run$ fin3.”

“|v|@yb3 it d03$,” I $@id, d3ciding $udd3nly th@t thi$ |v|@n w@$ 3ith3r @ nutc@$3 0r 0n $0|v|3 $3ri0u$ drug$, “but c@r$ @r3 |v|3@nt t0 driv3, @nd thi$ 0n3′$ |v|i$$ing @ tyr3, @nd y0u c@n’t driv3 with0ut @ tyr3.”

“Y0u $0und lik3 0n3 0f th0$3 $tupid |v|3ch@nic$.” H3 0p3n3d th3 d00r @nd $t00d up @ bit ru$tily, l00king @t th3 @xl3 up 0n bl0ck$. “I’|v| t3lling y0u, th@t’$ th3 w@y it’$ $upp0$3d t0 b3.”

“Y0ur c@r i$ $upp0$3d t0 b3 up 0n bl0ck$.”

“Y3$!” H3 p0int3d @t it. “I$ th3r3 $0|v|3thing |v|i$$ing h3r3 th@t y0u c@n’t $33 thi$ i$ th3 w@y it i$?”

“Th3n why d0 y0u h@v3 c@r?” I @$k3d. “Why n0t ju$t build @ $h@ck?”

“Y0u $till think y0u’r3 @ |v|3ch@nic.”

“I d0n’t think I’|v| @ |v|3ch@nic, but I d0 kn0w @ thing 0r tw0 @b0ut c@r$,” I t0ld hi|v|.

“L00k, I d0n’t n33d y0ur h3lp,” h3 r3pli3d, $udd3nly. “I d0n’t n33d y0ur h3lp g3tting thi$ thing running.” @$ if h3 h@d h3 d3cid3d right th3n th@t, y3$, th3r3 w@$ @ pr0bl3|v| @ft3r @ll.

“Y0u’v3 g0t t00l$ @nd @ tyr3?” I @$k3d, $till trying. Nutc@$3$ @r3 n0t $@f3 0n th3 $id3 0f th3 r0@d. Th3y b3c0|v|3 hitch-hik3r$ @nd $3ri@l kill3r$.

“I $@id I c@n fix it!” h3 $h0ut3d @t |v|3, l3@ning int0 th3 c@r, ru|v||v|@ging @r0und in th3 gl0v3 c0|v|p@rt|v|3nt. H3 c@|v|3 up with @ cl3@r b@g 0f @ whit3 p0wd3r (@nd I th0ught t0 |v|y$3lf, d3finit3ly drug$). “$33 thi$?”

“Y3@h.” I 3y3b@ll3d th3 b@g. N0t drug$. Pr0b@bly c0@r$3 $ug@r. “I$ th@t $ug@r?”

“$ur3 i$!” h3 $@id, $udd3nly h@ppy, grinning lik3 @n idi0t. “@nd thi$ i$ g0ing t0 fix thi$ c@r.” H3 un$cr3w3d th3 g@$ c@p @nd b3g@n p0uring th3 $tuff in b3f0r3 I c0uld $t0p hi|v|.

“D0n’t p0ur $ug@r int0 y0ur g@$ t@nk!” I $h0ut3d.

Th3 b@g 0f $ug@r f3ll t0 th3 gr0und, @nd I f0und |v|y$3lf f@cing th3 |v|uzzl3 0f @ r3v0lv3r, @ v3ry 0ld-l00king r3v0lv3r. “It’$ |v|y d@|v|n c@r!” h3 $cr3@|v|3d, $pitting. “D0n’t t3ll |v|3 wh@t t0 d0 with it!”

@nd $0 I w@tch3d @$ h3 p0ur3d th3 r3$t 0f th3 $ug@r int0 hi$ g@$t@nk, w@tch3d @$ h3 $@t b@ck in th3 driv3r’$ $3@t, w@tch3d @$ h3 turn3d th3 k3y. It turn3d 0v3r w3@kly @ f3w ti|v|3$, @nd $putt3r3d t0 lif3. @nd, in @ cl0ud 0f blu3 $|v|0k3, di3d.

“$33?” h3 p0int3d pr0udly @t th3 d@$hb0@rd. “W0rk$ lik3 @ ch@r|v|!”

I didn’t w@nt t0 t3ll hi|v| th@t h3 h@dn’t fix3d th3 pr0bl3|v| @t @ll. 0r th@t h3′d cr3@t3d @ w0r$3 0n3. I didn’t w@nt t0 t@lk t0 @ gun-wi3lding |v|@d|v|@n. N0, I’d |v|uch r@th3r l3@v3.

@nd $0 I did. I tri3d t0 h3lp, I r3@lly did. It’$ |v|y j0b. C@n’t h3lp it if p30pl3 w0n’t l3t |v|3 d0 |v|y j0b. @ft3r @ll, |v|y g0df@th3r wr0t3 th3 |v|@nu@l f0r th@t c@r. H3′$ th3 0n3 th@t t0ld |v|3 c@r$ g0 pl@c3$, @nd n0t t0 put $ug@r in th3 t@nk. H3 t0ld |v|3 @b0ut th3 guy$ th@t inv3nt3d th3 c@r.

I l00k3d in |v|y r3@rvi3w |v|irr0r @$ I l3ft, w@tching th@t n@|v|3l3$$ |v|0d3rn $h00t 0ut th3 0th3r thr33 tyr3$. H3 pr0b@bly didn’t b3li3v3 th@t p30pl3 @ctu@lly inv3nt3d c@r$ @nyw@y$.

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