Okay, so you know female cosmetic magazines? Have you ever read one, or even skimmed the product reccomendation pages? For crying out loud, girls, how long do you spend every day just trying to look perfect?

I mean, there’s nothing wrong with the occasional facial masque, or a nice relaxing foot soak, or rubbing some ointment into your skin, but all these things I don’t understand — what do you do with them? How does one know which layer goes on first? How can that possibly be good for your face?

Personally, I don’t even like makeup. I mean, some girls need it. They have skin that cries out for whatever that stuff is that you make skin look better with. But some — nay, most — girls are just fine without it. Maybe a little bit of mascara (okay, lots of it), but if you’re going to put it on with a trowel, at least go all ironically goth so that you’re a walking parody of the Jezebels of Hollywood or something.

Jezebel of Hollywood. Hmm. That sounds like a good makeup company name.

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