Planet RMFO Blog

April 17, 2015

Jeff H.


I grew up on Mark Price, John Salley, Kenny Anderson, Dennis Scott and other NBA greats. The first NCAA Tournament that I remember was the famous 1985 one when Villanova beat Georgetown, but also in that tournament Georgia Tech made a run all the way to the elite 8 before losing to Georgetown. I had a giant piece of paper up on the wall in my bedroom with the brackets meticulously drawn out. In 1990, I watched Tech beat Shaquille O’ Neal and LSU and then watched Kenny Anderson hit a last second shot (after the buzzer maybe?) to put Michigan State out of the tournament on the way to the Final Four. I used to practice free throws in the back yard and pretend I was making a last second shot to win the NCAA Championship. I took classes with Drew Berry and Matt Harpring. I participated in revolt at a couples’ wedding shower to sneak all the guys downstairs to watch Georgia Tech get into the 2004 Final Four. I have followed a lot of basketball in my lifetime.

There was another team in Atlanta, but I didn’t pay attention to them. I knew who Dominique Wilkens and Spud Webb were, but for whatever reason the Atlanta Hawks did not capture my imagination. I kinda disliked The Omni, and didn’t really have much interest in watching games there. The Hawks had a pretty good run in the 80’s and then again under Lenny Wilkens, but they never made it to the NBA finals and never stirred my interest enough. Ten years ago, the Hawks were bought by the reprehensible Atlanta Spirit, LLC group who also bought the Atlanta Thrashers hockey team. My low interest in the Hawks reached an all-time low when Atlanta Spirit left the Thrashers to wither on the vine and then shipped them off to Winnepeg. I vowed to never put a dime into the Hawks as long as they were owned by Atlanta Spirit and I have not been to a home game since.

In the last year, Atlanta Spirit managed to show everyone what a horrible group of owners they were with a series of revealed group e-mails between them. The e-mails fretted over things like whether the crowd at Hawks games was “too urban” (read: too black) and how they could attract suburbanites back to Philips Arena, clearly lusting after the disposable income that the Atlanta Braves were about to rake in by moving to Cumberland. The national media caught on to what we knew in Atlanta, the Hawks were owned by an incompetent group that was only slightly more progressive than Donald Sterling. However, Atlanta Spirit did do two smart things; they hired two smart people. The new CEO, Steve Koonan, has worked hard to make Hawks games entertaining again and brand them with a new image that reflects what Atlanta is now, a tension of urban and rural that actually can coexist and enjoy each other’s culture. The new head coach, Mike Budenholzer, brought an attitude that reflected the coach he worked under, Greg Popovich, and created a team that played smart and as a cohesive unit and to everyone’s surprise, they roared all the way to the #1 seed in the Eastern Conference this year.

Then the news I have been craving came out this year, Atlanta Spirit would sell 100% of their ownership in the Hawks As of this post, the Hawks have not been sold yet, but once they are I will lift my boycott (and I look forward to the new owner of the Atlanta Hawks, Dikembe Mutumbo, at least that’s who it would be in my dreams.) In the meantime, however, I’m on board for these playoffs. I’m going to watch all the games on TV and openly root for them through this post-season. Cheering for Atlanta sports is an act of humility as they inevitably disappoint (we are still hanging on to that one lone World Series championship in 1995) and my fandom most definitely will put the stink on the Hawks, but my expectations are low. A series win would be fantastic and a ride to the NBA finals would be greater than anything I could hope for, but let’s do this. Let’s cheer for #eventhehawks.

by jholland at April 17, 2015 02:18 PM

April 15, 2015

Daniel -

Antivaxxers & evidence

So anti-vaccination types are pretty terrible, right? They’re backwards people, endangering the lives of not only their own children but other people’s children too. Etc.

I live in a sort of echo chamber where this is all I hear. I don’t get the other side of the argument because I don’t subscribe to those sort of news sources. That’s not terribly surprising.

I’m a pretty big fan of herd immunity. I really don’t like the idea of my daughter getting polio or whatever. So I think we should try to convince people to vaccinate. Again, this is sort of standard Western fare, nothing terribly interesting here. Heard this all before.

But no matter how many times we try and tell antivaxxers the truth (and I think the truth is pretty one-sided here), they don’t listen. It’s the strangest thing. No amount of facts and figures, no amount of cajoling and shaming works.

So why do we keep doing it? This is my question. Why do we keep trying to convince people who refuse to be convinced using methods that we know don’t work? Why don’t we try something else? How about a legislative (aka systemic) approach that makes opting out more difficult than actually getting the shots?

I dunno. I find this more interesting that vax-shaming. Maybe we’re not actually telling people to vaccinate because we care about vaccination or children. Sure, maybe we think that’s why we do it, but maybe it’s actually some kind of in-group signalling. Here’s my anti-vax screed! I’m hip! I get it! (I realise that saying I’m hip and I get it means I’m neither hip nor do I get it.)

Now that I’ve said that, I find the idea kind of annoying. Like, having written that, I was annoyed that I had written it. I don’t like to have my motivations questioned. Even by myself on my own blog. My mind is telling me “well of COURSE my motives are pure, I’m engaging in a kind of benevolence here!” Which I take as a signal that (as usual) I don’t know what I’m doing much less why.

I’m sure you’re different of course.

So maybe my point is this: Before we can figure out why people aren’t responding to the gospel of vaccination the way we’d hoped, maybe we need to figure out why we haven’t tried a different approach.

by D.S. Deboer at April 15, 2015 01:27 AM

April 14, 2015

Daniel -

Asymmetrical relationships & the church

You have a boss. This boss is not your friend. But this boss thinks he is your friend. A pretty common scenario, right? I’m sure many of you have seen this sort of thing happen more than once, if not in your life, then in the lives of people you know.

The reason this just feels wrong is that you (the employee) can sense that your relationship isn’t on the same level. You might play on the same field but one of you is the coach… and it’s not you.

I call this an asymmetrical relationship, in that he signs off on your hours but you don’t sign off on his. Now there’s a certain strain of thought that says we should all be judged by our actions or potential, that bosses and parents and managers aren’t necessary, but let’s just leave that aside. The human condition being what it is means that asymmetrical relationships either will or must exist.

We’re all familiar with asymmetry in relationships — at least, we’re all familiar with a certain kind of asymmetry that we call “power”. And a lot of relational problems (but not all, not nearly all) are caused by too much or not enough asymmetry. Parents trying to be buddies, bosses trying to be friends, or the opposite where parents become cruel, or bosses become slavemasters. The worst case (at least for me) is a relationship that’s asymmetrical when it shouldn’t be, like a husband ruling and asserting dominance over a wife (or vice versa, though I’d say that’s much less common). None of this is to say you can’t be nice or good to your children or employees, or that husbands and wives can’t have different functions in their relationship, but that you should be aware of and respect the asymmetry or symmetry that’s always going to exist in your relationship. Essentially you need to authentic to the type of relationship you’re in.

But again, we all know that. So that’s not really interesting.

Instead I’d like to think about voluntary asymmetrical relationships (these tend to be troublesome), and asymmetry of motivation or intentionality.

Asymmetry of intentionality is why a lot of commercial transactions seem inauthentic when wrapped in something else. You get your name written on a cup at Starbucks, or employees of a chain of upscale grocery stores are mandated to refer to customer by name, or the employees at the restaurant sing a song, or the waitress flirts with you… the list goes on. I might just be particularly sensitive to this, but it seems to me there’s a real asymmetry of intention there. I want a good or a service. But they want… well they want to sell me that, plus something else, plus more in the future, plus a better tip… essentially they want to play-act into getting me to empty my pockets. Like a guy who hangs around a girl ostensibly to be friends when what he really wants is a relationship. It feels a bit creepy and weird. Especially when it’s a corporation.

And then there’s voluntary asymmetry. For instance (and I hate to break this to the church I grew up in) going to church and submitting to the authority of a group of elders or whatever power structure is in place is completely and utterly voluntary in this society. You can remove yourself from that authority without any consequences, no matter how much your church might wish that not to be so. This is true of any organization you attach yourself to. These organizations need to understand that: There’s no “power” structure here. The relational asymmetry is not that the church holds power over the individual, no, the asymmetry is the other way around. And unless you have a reason for people to stay (and despite what you might think, I don’t think “because we’re all Dutch immigrants” is a particularly bad reason), they just won’t. Sorry.

I’ve heard a lot of talk about how the church should be exempt from the marketplace, how we who show up should not be consumers who view the church as providing a spiritual product. I’ve heard people who I really, really respect and enjoy listening to say these things and I can’t help but think this is just a bit disingenuous. Every church has some kind of value. Again that might just be “because we’re Catholic and there’s nowhere else to go”. That’s the value your parish provides. It’s might not be a great or really very significant value, but it’s value nonetheless.

But again this comes back to being authentic to the asymmetry of your relationship. Your parishioners do most of the work and provide all of the money. Without them the church goes away. To be honest with them and with yourself is to say, “Why should you come here?” and then try to be that organization. You need to answer that question very carefully of course. If the answer sounds anything like “because we’ve been around for a while and would like to continue being around” maybe it’s time to close down shop. On the other hand if your answer is “We’re on a mission and we’d like you to be a part of it” and you mean it then you’ve got a good place to start.

You might think this is all a load of mercantile hogwash. And that’s okay. But if you’re part of a church that puts on a really good service every Sunday (and I’ll be very clear here, I think you should do that) you have to ask, Why the good music? Why the good preaching? Why the good venue? Why pursue excellence?

There are two languages you speak with these things, the language of words and the language of actions. You may say that you don’t do it to draw people in, but your actions say a different thing. And that’s okay. Different churches doing different thinks is what makes the Protestantosphere so vibrant, crazy, and interesting. (Yes I just made up a word; deal with it.)

I think I may have gone down a rabbit trail a bit here.

In any case. The key to this (as usual) is authenticity. You need to live inside the relationship you’re in, not pretend you’re in a relationship you’re not. This goes for churches, but for people too.

Now back to the dishes my wife, who is definitely my boss, told me to finish before I come to bed…

by D.S. Deboer at April 14, 2015 02:56 AM


searching for sunday by rachel held evans.

My first big church transition came about 12 years ago, when Mike and I slipped out of the back row of our nondenominational church and decided to try something different. After about a month, we found ourselves somewhere in the middle of an American Baptist church here in town (the back row was already spoken for). We were grateful to find a place to land so quickly, and Mike learned to turn the pages of a hymnal while I learned the rhythms of the church calendar. We discovered that there were strands of Christianity we had never experienced. It was a relatively uncomplicated shift, mostly out of sheer dumb luck. After the change of venue, we settled in for the long haul.

Twelve years is a long time, and we have grown and been challenged, served and been served. But we have also had the normal struggles of anyone who is a part of a community, and just before Atticus was born I began to feel that I did not know where my place was in the church anymore. Last year, during a particularly low point, I took a break from church. I skipped out for about eight months, missing all of Eastertide and Pentecost and Ordinary Time. It was a whole new world for someone who has been a churchgoer from the womb. I slept in on Sunday mornings, or put on my bathing suit and beat everyone else to the pool. And I decided, in the end, that I like going to church, and that I was ready to try again. I am not going to say that everything is perfect, but time and space did their work to heal many parts of my heart, and I have done a better job of participating than I was doing before. If that first transition was about needing a different kind of place, the second one was about needing to make some changes within myself.

searching for sundayIt was with these two very different experiences in mind that I read Searching for Sunday by Rachel Held Evans. It describes her movement away from the evangelical church which I would describe as a combination of the transitions that I have experienced – she needed both a change of venue and the space to work out some changes in her heart. I am a few years older than Rachel, and her writings have mirrored a lot of my own feelings but sometimes I have wished she was speaking to where I currently am instead of where I have been. With this book, I felt companionship as she asked questions about her place in the church and the church’s place in the world she sees around her. She uses the imagery of seven sacraments to speak with maturity about her relationship with the churches in her life, from her childhood experiences to a failed church plant to the Episcopalian church she attends today. I have enjoyed her previous books, but I was particularly taken with her voice in Searching for Sunday, as her love of God and the church comes through on every page, as well as the truth that those relationships can be complicated. She speaks with confidence and peace throughout the book and reading about her journey was a great pleasure.

I read a lot of books each year, but I don’t read many books more than once. You should know that I read this one twice already, the first time just enjoying it for myself and the second time so I could do more than just ramble on about how much I liked it. The one flaw that I found was that I wished the last two sacraments (anointing the sick and marriage) had one more section each, just to flesh out those ideas a tiny bit more. Those are both big topics! This is a minor complaint though, and I recommend Searching for Sunday without reservation. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

I received a copy of Searching for Sunday from the publisher but my opinions are my own, and even though they sent me a digital copy I purchased a physical copy for myself. If you buy Searching for Sunday this week, there are some fun free gifts for you, so check those out.

by Kari at April 14, 2015 02:19 AM

April 13, 2015

Daniel -

On being just a tiny bit skeptical

I’ve been thinking about “doubting” Thomas a bit lately. Mostly because that’s what we do after Easter, beat up on Thomas a little, but also because it gives me an excuse to listen to Nickel Creek.

But I’ve also been thinking a bit about the ancient Greek philosophers and how close they came to make a scientific method. So close! They just didn’t go far enough and were a bit too fond of inductive reasoning.

All this to say, I don’t like detoxing. I mean, I don’t not like doing a detox. I don’t like the concept.

I know how they got there. It’s a long chain of guessing that starts with “I feel better if I don’t eat a lot of sugar!” (or something) and ends with “I’m going to drink a bunch of cayenne pepper!”

It’s a strange sort of thing.

Or maybe it isn’t: What’s a cleanse other than a secular fast? The fast brings you closer to the spiritual (God) by breaking your dependence on the physical (food). The cleanse brings you closer to the ideal (good health) by breaking your dependence on the physical (“toxins”). Isn’t it funny how our secular society still hews so closely to its received forms? We recreate the creation myth in environmentalism, we recreate fasting in cleansing… You could probably get rich creating next year’s religious/secular crossover hit. I mean, you might worry there’s a man behind the curtain of Christianity, but you know, you KNOW there’s a man behind the counter selling you cleanses.

What I find surprising is the number of devout Christians who will do a cleanse but never consider doing a fast. (30 Hour Famine, the latest addition to the Christian Year is coming up soon, give it a try!)

This is all kind of beside the point. I’m a fat dude and you shouldn’t come to me for your health advice. My point is kind of higher-level than just debunking cleanses. Anyone can do that. It’s actually kind of lazy in that 14-year-old (actually or mentally) Atheist kind of way, where you can start thinking you’re some kind of countercultural hero. (cf astrology, horoscopes, etc.)

My point is more… Let’s be a little bit skeptical of things. Just a bit. If something seems to make sense, sure, that’s all well and good but it’s not evidence. It’s just a theory and maybe not even a theory so much as a wild guess. Worse it might be a wild guess someone is using to sell you useless crap. It’s worth asking “is this true”, even if all it does is save you $5 and a bunch of time gargling spicy saltwater.

by D.S. Deboer at April 13, 2015 09:12 PM

April 07, 2015

Daniel -

Let’s build a house

Let’s build a house.

We don’t know anything about how to build a house. But other people have built houses! How hard can it be?

So to build a house let’s think about houses. We don’t need to actually look at any existing houses because we live in houses. How could you have a more expert opinion than than?

We’ve thought about houses for a while and now we have a fairly comprehensive idea (we think) of what a house should have, all the components and whatnot, written down on a napkin. Done with planning! Next, we build the house.

Now we could hire people who build houses for a living to build this house. We could. But they’re expensive. We could even hire their individual contractors to do the work. But they’re expensive too! Let’s do the whole thing ourselves.

So we start building the house. And progress is slow. But everything seems okay until we hit a snag. The foundations we poured are the wrong kind of concrete and are literally flaking away and falling apart. The concrete mix (which we guessed at, because who has time to read the concrete guide?) needs to be redone. But through process of elimination eventually we arrive at a decent mix that doesn’t fall apart right way, even if it’s not up to any kind of building code. It took quite a long time and was a pain in the ass, but if we ignore opportunity cost we probably (maybe) broke even vs a contractor.

We keep doing this. Each component of the house is slowly, painfully erected. Lots of mistakes. We tear down maybe more than we build. The results are never really satisfactory. Every once in a while a random person walks past and says “hey, why don’t you have an atrium!” or something like that. And we nod sagely. What a good idea! Let’s do it! And we pull out another napkin and go to work.

Eventually, some years, maybe decades later, we arrive at the finished product. It’s definitely a house of sorts. It sprawls more than we’d like, bits are always falling off, it’s unsafe, and not really a pleasure to live in. But it’s our house and we built it.

One day a house builder visits. He takes one look around and says, “This is one of the worst built houses I’ve ever seen!” He gives us some building tips, trying to save us from the inevitable implosion, but we don’t listen. He’s so negative! Why hasn’t he praised our accomplishments instead of harping on our flaws?

by D.S. Deboer at April 07, 2015 12:17 AM

April 05, 2015

Daniel -

Magic Beans (a followup post)

Read this post. Then go have a look at Wikipedia’s Coffee Preparation page.

Notice anything about it?

I mean there’s a big notice at the top so you probably should have. No sources.

This is a huge problem in the “good coffee” industry. Lots of received wisdom, lots of talking heads, lots of blog posts, lots of “how to” advice, lots of expensive equipment “required” to make a better cup of coffee than the one you’re already making, you filthy casual.

(I also have a blog post… brewing… about what drives us to keep seeking out consumer perfection, but that’s a whole other thing for another day maybe. No promises.)

Here are a few choice examples of magical, unsourced coffee making voodoo:

Burr mills use two revolving abrasive elements, such as wheels or conical grinding elements, between which the coffee beans are crushed or “torn” with little frictional heating. The process of squeezing and crushing of the beans releases the coffee’s oils, which are then more easily extracted during the infusion process with hot water, making the coffee taste richer and smoother.

Well, the first bit of that is true. There are revolving abrasive elements. After that we’re back to proclaiming truth from the mount. Little frictional heating? Releases oils? More easily extracted? Richer and smoother? Really? Got any sources for that? Didn’t think so.

Many burr grinders, including almost all domestic versions, are unable to achieve the extremely fine grind required for the preparation of Turkish coffee; traditional Turkish hand grinders are an exception.

Those inferior domestic burr grinders. There’s no way a domestic grinder could make Turkish coffee! Again, note the lack of sources. Just some guy (almost certainly a guy, who owns a fancy, expensive foreign grinder) who says something.

Blade grinders create “coffee dust” that can clog up sieves in espresso machines and French presses, and are best suited for drip coffee makers. They are not recommended for grinding coffee for use with pump espresso machines.

Do a search for “burr grinder dust” on Google as a counterpoint. Find some forum post where someone (new to burr grinders) is wondering what they’re doing wrong. The responses will be “buy a better grinder” until someone honest comes along and says “well, all grinders produce some dust”. At which point the whole thing about consistent grind size is sort of debunked. How can your consistently grinding conical burr grinder be producing dust unless it’s… not really all that consistent after all?

Some coffee aficionados hold the coffee produced [by percolation] in low esteem because of this multiple-pass process. Others prefer gravity percolation and claim it delivers a richer cup of coffee in comparison to drip brewing.

Who are these coffee aficionados? Why is their opinion (which, even the coffee aficionado who wrote this has to admit, goes both ways) relevant to the article? Even if we agree that is is, which coffee aficionados? Where can I read these mysterious differing opinions? Why can’t they agree?

The coffee prepared by this [cold press] method is very low in acidity with a smooth taste, and is often preferred by those with sensitive stomachs. Others, however, feel this method strips coffee of its bold flavor and character. Thus, this method is not common, and there are few appliances designed for it.

Is it? According to whom? Where can I read a ph evidence? Where’s the study of people with weak stomachs? Who are the “others” who think this method removes “character” and “boldness”? Of course there aren’t any because this is just some coffee priest’s incantations, not actual reality.

The amount of coffee used affects both the strength and the flavor of the brew in a typical drip-brewing filtration-based coffee maker. The softer flavors come out of the coffee first and the more bitter flavors only after some time, so a large brew will tend to be both stronger and more bitter. This can be modified by stopping the filtration after a planned time and then adding hot water to the brew instead of waiting for all the water to pass through the grounds.

This doesn’t even really make a whole lot of sense. And much like the rest of the article it’s complete unsourced.

The AeroPress is another recent invention, which is a mechanical, non-electronic device where pressure is simply exerted by the user manually pressing a piston down with their hand, forcing medium-temperature water through coffee grounds in about 30 seconds (into a single cup.) This method produces a smoother beverage than espresso, falling somewhere between the flavor of a moka pot and a French Press.

I’d like to see a source for this. I’d also love for someone to tell me, without being condescending or talking to me like I’m a retard, what exactly they mean when they say “smoothness”. Is this a quantifiable thing? Can we measure some kind of chemical property of the coffee that we can call “smoothness”? Or is this yet another in a long list of religious terms the high priestly caste uses as a code to express their hidden knowledge?

by D.S. Deboer at April 05, 2015 03:46 PM

April 01, 2015


what I have been reading (spring has sprung edition).


Play Music by Laurie Lake White (purchased a copy)

This charming novel (based on a true story) is about Viennese immigrants to America in the early 1900s. Hugo is a conductor, first for a hotel orchestra and later in a silent movie theater, and his wife designs costumes for the Metropolitan Opera. The way that the family lived and thrived through their creative work made the book stand out to me, as did the vivid setting of these operas and shows. I particularly loved how compassionate the author was with her characters. Peter, someone who makes a lot of bad choices that drive the second half of the story, was my favorite because of how kind she was to him about his failings. Recommended for: fans of historical fiction and charming things. And artists.

Rain Reign by Ann M. Martin (via the public library)

This won the Schneider Family Book Award for Middle School. (The Schneider Family Award honors books that present the disability experience for children and teenagers.) It’s about Rose, a girl who has Asperger’s, and her relationship with her father and her dog Rain. Rose is obsessed with homonyms and that plus her obsession with rules makes it difficult for her sometimes in school. There is no one universal experience of life on the autism spectrum, but I thought this did a good job of showing us what it was like in Rose’s head. Rose is wonderful, and this is also a great story for people who like dogs. As far as classroom use, I think it would not make for a good readaloud because of there being so many homonyms, but it would make for a good guided reading book. Sweet and heartbreaking (you know how books about animals are). I really enjoyed this one.

The Port Chicago 50: Disaster, Mutiny, and the Fight for Civil Rights by Steve Sheinkin (via the public library)

I wrote about this one for my 28 Days of Books for Black History Month. It’s a great read about a true story.

All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven (via NetGalley and then the public library)

I was approved for this on NetGalley after it was already archived so I had to wait for it at the public library. Do I think it will be popular with TFioS and Eleanor and Park fans? No doubt. But it also felt calculated to punch you in the gut without earning those emotions like the two aforementioned books did. I didn’t buy Finch and Violet’s relationship in a lot of ways (partially because he just seemed like quirky mental health weirdo and she seemed sad and affectless), I didn’t think they were fully realized characters that I could care about. It seemed like a YA version of Garden State (or maybe Elizabethtown) without even the saving grace of a good soundtrack. I am surprised so many people are so excited about this one because it fell flat for me. I would still tell my teenage friends about it if they had finished John Green and Rainbow Rowell and wanted another book, but it doesn’t shine like a lot of recent YA does for me.

Girls Like Us by Gail Giles (via the public library)

This won the Schneider Family Book Award for Teens and features two special ed high school graduates named Quincy and Biddy. They get an apartment together in the home of Liz, an older woman who needs assistance. Biddy is the softer and sweeter of the two, while Quincy is more savvy. They have both experienced terrible things and difficult things happen to them during the course of the story, but I came away impressed by the bravery of these characters. Recommended for high schools.

The Light of the World: A Memoir by Elizabeth Alexander (via NetGalley)

You may remember Elizabeth Alexander as the inaugural poet from President Obama’s first inauguration. Now she has written a beautiful exploration of grief and love following the death of her husband in 2012. Both her story and her use of language are worth a read. You might say that the idea sounds too sad, but I find reading about grief to be healing, especially in those moments when you recognize yourself and your own pain in someone else’s story. Pairs well with The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion and The Long Goodbye by Meghan O’Rourke.

Death Row Chaplain by Earl Smith (via NetGalley)

This is a pretty traditional redemption story – Smith was involved in gangs and drugs and then became a chaplain at San Quentin. He does a good job of taking the reader somewhere that most of us are unlikely to go, and had interesting and entertaining stories about connecting with the prisoners through baseball and chess. I also thought the book had a nice balance of talking about his own faith and beliefs without being preachy. One thing to note is his opposition to the death penalty, which I share, and which he explained with emphasis on his own experiences with people on death row and families of the victims. This book would be good for fans of Same Kind of Different as Me.

Among the Ten Thousand Things by Julia Pierpont (via NetGalley)

The inciting incident of this story is that a daughter finds a box of personal messages between her father and the woman he is having an affair with. The effects of these messages are felt by every person in the family, though I was probably least interested in the father’s story and most interested in the mother. I didn’t feel a strong connection with the characters, nor did I feel that the effect of finding this box was resolved for the daughter (or the mother). As other reviewers have said, Part Two comes chronologically at the end, and I felt it took some of the air out of Part Three to have the story already known in certain ways. This was not the book for me and I am not sure who I might recommend it to.

Goodbye Stranger by Rebecca Stead (via NetGalley)

3.5 stars. I am in the bag for Rebecca Stead but I was also pretty frustrated by Liar and Spy, which felt to me like a trick ending rather than an earned one. I kept waiting to find out what was “really” happening during this book, which took away from my enjoyment. Be assured that this one is a much more straightforward story about middle school students – friends who are growing apart in certain ways but who value their friendship as well as their independence. Together they struggle with things like divorce and social pressures. More specifically, a big plot point has to do with texting photos and how it can spiral out of control very quickly, and I liked how it was handled. My one problem with Goodbye Stranger (and it was a big problem for me) is that I felt that it was confusing. There are three separate narrators, and we don’t find out who one of them is or why she is doing what she is doing until right at the very end. I thought this needlessly complicated what was a very nice story. About 20% of the way through I was so frustrated that I wanted to stop, and I could imagine my students just quitting at that point. I don’t understand why that one narrator had to be kept in the shadows and I felt it could have been done differently. I am sure it would be a solid 4 stars on a re-read, but I wish I hadn’t had to fight so hard to read it the first time.

Some of these books were provided by the publishers. As always, my opinions are my own.

by Kari at April 01, 2015 12:28 AM

March 30, 2015


The Dreaded Shame Spiral

It all started when I stepped on the scale and saw a three-pound increase. I know, I know. I am more than a number. It’s probably water weight. I should throw my scale away. Bladdidy blah blah blah.

But deep down, I felt something slip. A cup of confidence replaced by a cup of fear. “You’re amazing!” drowned out by “You’re going to fail.”

I got sick. I couldn’t work out. So, the next week, another three pounds.

Three is supposed to be the number of perfection. But when I gained another three the third week, the voices in my head were screaming the opposite of perfection. And I was losing the battle.

Every night, when I was home alone, I would eat until my jaw ached. I wildly alternated between sweet and salty, caught in an endless loop of pita chips and Hershey kisses. I hid candy wrappers at my desk, and for the first time in over a year, I found myself eating in hiding, letting chips dissolve in my mouth to hide the shameful crunching.

I was on a slippery slope paved with Oreo filling. And I didn’t know how to get off.

So of course, I stopped blogging. The mere title of this blog was mocking. Healthy and whole? More like weak and bloated. I couldn’t come on here and write inspirational posts about red pants and tell you about how much I loved eating vegetables when I changed into sweats immediately after work and wondered whether potato chips could maybe be considered a vegetable.

Yet, here I am.

Because, the spiraling does stop. The slope gets less slippery. My kind, amazing friends spoke truth into my life when all I could think was I had ruined everything.

They reminded me to have grace for myself. And when I couldn’t, they did.

And I’m telling you all of this, the Oreos and the chips and the self-hatred and the paralyzing fear, because I imagine you’ve been there too.

Maybe you’ve messed up at work and you think you’ll never recover.

Or you injured yourself and you’ll never run again.

Or you hurt someone and they’ll never love you.

Or you ate 20 Dove chocolates and you’ll never get it right.

You know what helped me to realize I was in a dark place blanketed with lies? The word never.

“I will never get this right.”

Never’s and always’s and everybody’s and nobody’s are all lies.

They crush hope and steal the light.

So, a week ago, I brushed the pita chips off of my sweatshirt. And I said to myself…

You haven’t ruined EVERYTHING. You’ve just need to recalibrate.

And NOBODY loves you anymore?

What about the people who encourage you and hug you and feed you soup and tell you that it’s going to be okay.

That’s a lot of love.






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Copyright © Healthy & Whole [The Dreaded Shame Spiral], All Right Reserved. 2015.

by Brandy at March 30, 2015 10:54 PM

Daniel -

Burr grinders, good coffee, and magical thinking

I’m not a huge fan of magical thinking, received wisdom, dogma, etc, etc. Sure, there’s going to be some value in received wisdom and we should have a bit of a think before tossing it out the window. But in general, unquestioning adoption of anything is a bad idea.

One place this kind of quasi-religious thinking shows up a lot is in cooking. Mostly, I think, because for a long time we knew that something did something but we didn’t know why. So people built up narratives about why because apparently we can’t say that seared steak tastes better without saying searing “seals in the juices” or whatever.

The worst of the worst, though, are a subset of cooking people, the coffee snobs. These people have turned a drug into a fetishistic individual or communal act. They know that your “average” coffee drinking prefers weak, milky coffee (maybe even with, gasp, sugar). These are the benighted, the heathens, who must (but frustratingly often can’t) be evangelized into the sacred cult of the good cup of coffee, whose sacraments are the fresh-ground bean and the burr grinder, the French press and the espresso machine.

Understandably, there isn’t much scientific data on whether or not any of this stuff really matters. Take burr grinders. There are two types of coffee grinders (leaving aside pre-ground coffee, that-which-must-not-be-named, the anathema, the Great Satan): Blade and burr. Blade grinders are essentially blenders. They’re what you use for spices. They whirl about and take a bunch of whacks at the beans until they’ve beaten them into submission. Burr grinders on the other hand gently caress the beans until they fall apart on their own. Or something.

Now as with most magical cook-think, the reasons not to use a blade grinder are many and change depending on who you ask. But there’s a general consensus that blade grinders produce a more uneven grind, tend to heat up the beans, and can’t make decent espresso grind. All these things are easily testable. But somehow no one has. Not really. And no one has tested whether or not an uneven grind makes a worse cup of coffee. Its seems like it should… but there are lots of things that seem like they should but aren’t. No one has tested whether a slight temperature increase makes a worse cup of coffee.

By the way, I’ve personally tested this, and I can’t tell the difference between burr and blade. I’ve been given lots of reasons for this (my eyes aren’t good, my equipment isn’t good, I’m too skilled a blade grinding, etc), but I see what I see. Lots of variability in grain size

And you can’t test this! You see the coffee nerds have constructed a completely test-proof ivory (but coffee-stained) tower where once we start a scientific approach they can say “oh but taste tests aren’t any good!” Why? Because the average people who do taste tests just don’t get it. The priests of the coffee cult get it, but some guy off the street isn’t good data. We’re not making coffee for them after all. The real reason is, of course, that no priest of the coffee cult wants to have their actual taste buds actually tested. They know what’s happened to the wine community with that.

I think at the end of the day, once there’s some science done here, we’ll find the same thing that we found out about wine. Everyone can tell the difference between terrible wine and decent wine. Very few people can tell the difference between decent wine and good wine. And almost no one can tell the difference between good wine and really, really good wine. I could be wrong. Maybe a lot of coffee snobs really can distinguish good coffee from really, really good coffee. Maybe they’re not using any kind of product or process signalling to make that decision. I could be wrong. But I don’t think I am.

This kind of investigation may strip the emperor of his clothes. But it doesn’t invalidate your personal quest to make the best cup of coffee ever. That’s your own hobby. Still, I think we can stop pretending that if only we could tell the unwashed heathens of the good news of Jesus Christ Aeropress or whatever that they’ll suddenly join the crusade.

by D.S. Deboer at March 30, 2015 01:35 AM

March 23, 2015

Daniel -

Easter & the fear of death

I had A Thought while listening to the sermon on Sunday. Bear with me here and let me know in the comments if I’m full of crap.

Now there were some Greeks among those who went up to worship at the festival. They came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, with a request. “Sir,” they said, “we would like to see Jesus.” Philip went to tell Andrew; Andrew and Philip in turn told Jesus.

Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.

Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.

There’s a lot to unpack here, but Jesus starts off by talking about death. Well, glorification and then death. It appears that the path to glory is death. Jesus is going to die and the result of that death is going to be the opposite of death. That’s the point of the seed illustration, I think. It’s easy to read that as being about the church and the growth of the Christian faith, but I don’t know if that’s what he had in mind. The picture is marred by a bad translation. Many seeds should be much fruit. This changes the metaphor completely: Instead of being about creation of disciples, it’s about what happens in this death/glorification. Before the death, you are a singular seed. After the death, you multiply much fruit. And Jesus followers are expected to follow him into this death.

Most important here is Jesus speaking of what happens when you hold closely to life (or in the negative when you strongly avoid death). If you hold on to your life (or your self, your psyche) too closely you end up losing it. Or more to the point you end up devaluing it. The value you assign to yourself is inversely related to how much self worth you actually have. If you give it up, on the other hand, it gains value — infinite value, in fact. In terms of death avoidance, what’s more valuable than eternal life?

“Now my soul is troubled, and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’?

Jesus is afraid. Like anyone would be in the situation of predicting your own death. It’s natural to fear death. Much of our behaviour is driven by death avoidance. He quotes David in the psalms here, but where David cries out for salvation, Jesus immediately rejects his own prayer. What Jesus says next turns our death avoidance (and all the sin that comes with that) on its head:

No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name!”

The response to the death is, “Father, glorify your name!” Not the usual human response, to surround yourself with money and possessions and status and all sorts of stuff to help soothe that fear of death.

Then a voice came from heaven, “I have glorified it, and will glorify it again.” The crowd that was there and heard it said it had thundered; others said an angel had spoken to him.

Jesus said, “This voice was for your benefit, not mine. Now is the time for judgment on this world; now the prince of this world will be driven out. And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself.”

I’m interested in the idea of “the prince of this world”, alternatively translated “the ruler of this world”. This can easily be read to be the devil, however that would seem to come out of nowhere here. Maybe a more coherent reading is to think of “the ruler of this world” as death itself. After all we start this bit of scripture talking about death, the middle is about death, and it goes on after this bit to talk about death some more. Doesn’t it make sense that Jesus here isn’t referring out of nowhere to some Big Bad but instead to the concept of death? Or perhaps these are the same things, death being the personification of the devil. Hebrews says something to this effect: “…that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil”.

As a side note (and this a bit of inside baseball, so if any of these words don’t make sense to you, feel free to skip this paragraph; it’s not as important as it sounds), it’s easy to read this passage in the usual satisfaction model of substitutionary atonement, but let’s be honest, that’s reading a lot of stuff into the scripture that isn’t there. A more plain reading is a Christus Victor reading, which I think makes more sense. It can also be interpreted from a psychological/existential standpoint, which I think the passage supports quite well.

Here we see Jesus dying and rising again to drive out death or the prince of death, however you choose to interpret that. The point is the same. We are in bondage: We die, and we’re afraid of dying. My natural tendency is to hold my life close and to be threatened and fearful in the face of anything that so much as reminds me of my mortality.

To fix this, Jesus dies. He inverts the whole thing. He uses death against itself. He is raised again and in that rising again he casts out the prince of the world. He breaks the backs of the powers that be. He shows us how to hold loosely to our lives, how to be willing to give our lives away, and how this changes how we engage with the world. No more do we have to subscribe to the death avoidance of our previous lives and all the sin that brings about. No more do we have to participate in the rat race. When we give away our lives we’re free to experience them as a gift. We experience our lives as grace from God.

His death isn’t about shifting beads around on some moral abacus or settling some artificial honour score. It’s not about God satisfying God. Jesus’ death actually does something. He defeats death. He wages war and wins. And that is the message of Easter.

by D.S. Deboer at March 23, 2015 11:42 PM

March 19, 2015

Daniel -

Bullet points for a Wednesday evening

Sleep. The spirit is willing but the flesh is obstinately restless. I haven’t done one of these in a long time, so here goes.

  • The most important thing is to be really good. This looks different for different people. Obviously. Really good polka isn’t really good klezmer. Okay, bad example. It’s not really good pop. Which isn’t really good baroque. Which isn’t really good big band. But damn, can you ever tell Really Good from a mile away. Even if you’re not fluent in the nuances, you know?
  • Really Good usually comes from the top. If you want Really Good, you have to set the example, set the tone. If you say you want Really Good but you actually want Good Enough, trust me, people know.
  • The harder road is more impressive. It’s not for everyone. Most of the time it’s not for me. But I’m still impressed when other people take the road that means more work, more commitment, and probably more heartbreak. They’re investing a bit of their soul. You can usually tell too, because people making these kinds of efforts tend to be either extremely attractive (people want to be around them) or extremely repulsive (they killed Jesus) or both (again Jesus). You get to sweat bullets or blood or whatever. No one ever wrote a book about the guy who kind of did the thing well enough to get by.
  • Luck is important. But it’s not everything. Most turds get flushed, regardless how lucky they are.
  • The best meetings have an agenda and a time limit. That’s a hard agenda and a hard time limit. The leader (I guess they need one of those too), needs to start at the starting time regardless if everyone is there, firmly take things back to the agenda, and end at the time limit regardless of whether or not you’ve “finished”. Obviously there can be exceptions, but it needs to be the rule enough that people understand that n=n, not n+15.
  • How much time? 45 minutes. An hour. I’ve rarely (or never) been in a meeting that went over an hour long where I thought, “Yeah, I’m glad that meeting went on that long.”
  • How do get your meeting under an hour? You already know. There’s that one thing everyone does (coming in late, chatting for the first half hour, talking about stuff that isn’t on the agenda) or maybe just that one guy who does these things. You may have to be a jerk to stop this stuff from happening, but I hope that’s a cost you have to pay to keep from wasting a whole bunch of time.
  • Put a poll in the field. Gather anonymous feedback. The feedback you get from people face to face (especially in Canada) is all crap and you might as well trash it before it starts affecting your judgement. You’ll get the odd honest person, maybe. But the anonymous people will be assholes and tell you exactly what they think.

by D.S. Deboer at March 19, 2015 02:32 AM

March 12, 2015


what I have been reading (more reading than you ever thought possible edition).

It’s been a couple of months since I wrote up my reading list. So of course it’s ridiculously long.

School Shooters: How to Recognize Schoolroom and Campus Killers Before They Attack by Peter Langman (via NetGalley)

I work in a school and I know the chances of something like a school shooting happening to me are remote, but it is still a topic that worries me. I thought that this book did a great job of showing how many of the shooters lived in difficult situations and experienced abuse and neglect as well as the results of poverty. Some of them are psychotic (as in, out of touch with reality), and some are essentially narcissists or what we might call sociopaths who don’t experience empathy. Seeing that there isn’t a clear pattern actually made me feel safer, because the training we receive at school has taught us some of the warning signs. I appreciated the brief overview of each shooter that did not emphasize the crime in detail and instead focused on their background and the possible causes of each shooting. It wasn’t light reading, but it was helpful to me.

Where You End by Anna Pellicoli (via NetGalley)

I liked Miriam and found it believable that she had been reckless (in several different ways) and then would do anything to cover up her mistakes. A couple of problems I had were that Miriam was well out of her depth when dealing with the person who was blackmailing her and she seemed to get that somewhat at the end but that is not a story that is going to be resolved very easily. Also, I loved her guy best friend but felt that his story was kind of a distraction to Miriam’s growth. The book did a great job evoking a closed-in feeling of panic but the story was overall somewhat forgettable.

The Fringe Hours: Making Time for You by Jessica N. Turner (via NetGalley)

I really like Jessica Turner. I am less comfortable with a lot of the people she hangs with over at Dayspring’s blog. But I decided to give this book a shot because of Turner herself. I love that she is a work-outside-the-home mom and that she speaks from that perspective. I thought this book was strongest when Turner talked about her own experiences and weakest when her blogging friends gave their tips. Most working moms (and many stay-at-home moms!) can’t take midday hikes or midday naps like bloggers can. Turner’s tips from her own life were much more useful and realistic. Those parts I would recommend to moms with young children, especially working moms.


God Made Light by Matthew Paul Turner (purchased from the author)

Speaking of the Turners, I got Atticus this picture book for Christmas. I enjoy most of what Matthew Paul Turner says on his blog, but I was a little worried about God Made Light because I am careful about what I want to teach Atticus about God and some of the people who blurbed the book are definitely not people whose opinions I trust or whose theology I agree with (see: Dayspring above). I reached out to MPT and asked him if there was a way to read the text before buying it, and he very kindly emailed me the text of the book saying that he understood my desire to be picky when it came to talking to my kid about God. The text and pictures are very sweet and, theologically, it’s probably a reminder that some of us might disagree pretty strongly but that there are some core beliefs about God that most Christians share and want to teach their kids. I wanted to give his kindness a shout-out as well as recommend the book. I think pretty highly of both of the Turners and you should support their work if you get a chance.

Religion in the Oval Office by Gary Scott Smith (via NetGalley)

This is a thorough look at eleven of our presidents: John Adams, James Madison, John Quincy Adams, Andrew Jackson, William McKinley, Herbert Hoover, Harry Truman, Richard Nixon, George H. W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and Barack Obama, their religious upbringing and personal beliefs and how those beliefs influenced their time in the White House. I skipped around a little bit and found the more modern presidents to be more interesting, but it was a fascinating look at all of them and how their faith affected their decisions. The two most interesting to me were probably Nixon and Bush Sr. The Clinton chapter was notable because he is so believable when he talks about Christianity and yet his actions don’t match up with what he says. This is an academic book, so it’s not a quick read, but I enjoyed the things I learned about the presidents and the ways that it humanized them for me.

When I was the Greatest by Jason Reynolds (via the public library)

I read this because I was considering it for my 28 Days of Books. I ultimately decided not to use it but I did like it quite a bit. It’s about a boy who finds himself in over his head at a party and what happens to him and his friends after that. It is one of those stories where a character breaks the rules for the first time and has something terrible happen, but it also showed how much more dangerous life can be for some people than others. Great characters and a strong sense of place (Bed Stuy in New York). The title is a reference to Ali, and the book does have some themes about boxing. A worthy addition to a high school or YA collection.

The Crossover by Kwame Alexander (from my own school’s library)

I wrote this up for my 28 Days of Books, and you should definitely read it if you haven’t! This year’s Newbery winner.

The Carnival at Bray by Jessie Ann Foley (via the public library)

This book won a TON of ALA awards this year, and I loved it. It’s set in Ireland in 1993, about a girl named Maggie who moves from Chicago to the small town of Bray in Ireland with her family and her new stepfather. Did I like it because I was also a teenager in 1993? Probably. But it’s still just a lovely book even if it doesn’t take you back to flannel and Nirvana like it did for me. It’s got a lot of references to music and culture that set the scene as well as being a story about young love and a girl coming to know who she is. Really sweet book for high school students especially.

Her Name is Rose by Christine Breen (via NetGalley)

I wanted to like this book more than I did. It’s about a mother, Iris, and her daughter, Rose. Rose’s father died a few years before, and he made Iris promise that she would find Rose’s birth parents so that Rose wouldn’t be alone if anything happened to Iris. When Iris had a breast cancer scare, she decided to follow through on her promise to track down Rose’s birth parents. There were very sweet moments in the book, but overall it was kind of a muddled mess. I liked that the ending was somewhat ambiguous, but I think that might put some people off. Just okay for me.

How it Went Down by Kekla Magoon

I wrote this up for my 28 Days of Books as well. Another one that I really enjoyed, and it’s timely as Ferguson continues to be in the news.

Lost Girls: An Unsolved American Mystery by Robert Kokler (borrowed from a friend)

I enjoyed this true crime story about some young women whose bodies were found on Long Island. However, I have to admit that since there’s not much in the way of an answer about how/why this happened, the book feels a little bit too long. It should probably have been a long article rather than a book, and it definitely bogged down at the end with the discussion of which of the women’s families were and were not speaking to each other. Recommended for: true crime aficionados only.


The Shadow Cabinet by Maureen Johnson

The third in The Name of the Star series, The Shadow Cabinet went in a slightly different direction than the other two, which had me on the edge of my seat. I read it on one of our snow days and enjoyed myself very much. Also I guess I will forgive Maureen Johnson for that awful cliffhanger at the end of the second book. Can’t wait for the next one. Hurry, hurry, Maureen!

Searching for Sunday by Rachel Held Evans (advanced release copy)

I got an advance copy of this one and sped through it. Definitely her best work yet – thoughtful and mature as well as a story that resonated with me pretty deeply. You’ll hear more from me about this one closer to publication date but I enjoyed it without reservation and recommend it highly.

I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith (for my church book club)

A reread for my book club! A plucky and romantic coming-of-age story which you should read if you haven’t.

Some of these books were provided to me by the publishers but, as always, my opinions are my own.

by Kari at March 12, 2015 06:08 PM

March 02, 2015


A time to push–a time to rest

It was a Tuesday night, which could only mean one thing. Boot camp. That hour of pushing my body so I can enjoy a week of limping and groaning every time I sit down. Just in time to do it again the next Tuesday.

But that night felt off. The quad in my right leg was screaming from the very first squat. Who am I kidding? Simply putting on my workout clothes made it scream. After I would do a set I would pace, rubbing my thigh with the palm of my hand, trying to work out whatever was causing the pain.

During the burpies and squats and weights, I tried to breathe through it. Trying to push past the pain like I always did.

Push past the pain.

It’s my MO.

(Closely tied to “I’ll just ignore it until it goes away.”)

In exercise it has been a mantra of keep going. Keep running, keep moving, don’t stop. And sometimes, that’s what I need to do. Keep going until I feel the pain loosen. Let my body do what it knows to do.

But not always.

That night, as I limped to my car, a fellow boot-camper came up and asked if I was okay. I shrugged, gestured at my leg, and said I just needed to work through it. She nodded and told me about some stretches that might help. But then she paused, shook her head, and touched my arm.

“I think you might need to baby it,” she told me.

I thought of her words a lot over the past week. I thought of them as I lay in bed with a water bottle and some ibuprofen. As I applied an ice pack to my throbbing leg. As I lay in a steaming hot bath scented with lavender. As I lay on a table and stared at the ceiling, my eyes watering in pain, as I told my chiropractor I needed his help.

“I can’t do this,” I said as he pressed his thumbs into my leg.

“You don’t have to,” he said calmly.


You don’t have to. I thought of those words this morning as I sat in my car, texting a dear friend about a tough season I’ve been in. About feeling sad and defeated. About the pain that has come along with my perceived failures.

“I just need to get back on the horse,” I typed and pushed send.

And then the three little dots that told me to wait. That she had something to say.

In the next few minutes as I sat in my freezing car in the parking lot at work, I read her words. She told me that it was okay to still be processing. That the pain and sadness were normal. That I could give myself time to work through it.

Give myself grace to work through it.

She gave me permission to baby my emotions.

I could curl up in my bed with my favorite book of poetry.

I could sit with a friend with a hot cup of coffee and talk through the sadness.

I could give myself the time and space to heal.

That my tearful “I can’t do this” could be greeted with “You don’t have to.”


It’s a fine balance. Knowing when to push through and when to hold off. But I think you know. Sometimes the pain feels good and motivating. Sometimes it feels terrible and debilitating. There are times I will push harder. Times I will slow my steps.

The main thing, though, is to keep moving. Whether with gentleness or sheer brute strength, keep moving.




Copyright © Healthy & Whole [A time to push--a time to rest], All Right Reserved. 2015.

by Brandy at March 02, 2015 11:39 PM

February 28, 2015


28/28: Sons of Liberty

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

imageI have avoided books about slavery this month because my students don’t read a lot of them and I like to offer them (and wanted to offer you) books about the black experience that go beyond slavery as much as possible. I am making an exception for this graphic novel series, The Sons of Liberty. A few years ago I presented this to our school board as part of a celebration of school libraries and I described it as, “Django Unchained except okay for middle school.” Thankfully, I did not get fired. This book is about two escaped slaves who get super powers and use them to get revenge on their former owners. Part Django Unchained and part superhero story, these are insanely popular. If you need a graphic novel for this age, this (and the second one) are definite winners.

And that’s it! We did it! Twenty-eight days of books! Thank you for reading and I hope that I have made a resource that is helpful. Did I leave anything off that you love? There are tons that I didn’t even get to, and I am not as knowledgeable about picture books as an elementary librarian would be, so I would love some suggestions there. Happy reading!

by Kari at February 28, 2015 11:18 AM

February 27, 2015


27/28: The Port Chicago 50

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

imageHere is another amazing non-fiction story that needs to be more widely known. After an explosion at Port Chicago killed over 300 black sailors in July of 1944, over 200 more refused to go back to work until conditions were safer. After being threatened with a firing squad, all but 50 went back to work. Those 50 were charged with and found guilty of mutiny and have still not been exonerated today. This is non-fiction at its finest and offers a perspective on Civil Rights that goes beyond the 1960s. I am glad it was a National Book Award finalist because we need more books like this one.

by Kari at February 27, 2015 11:18 AM

February 26, 2015


To Whom It May Concern: Running Edition

If you ever read previous iterations of my blog, you know how much I love writing passive aggressive notes to anonymous people. And that’s certainly not about to stop. So here you have it, the first bit of Healthy and Whole snark. You’re welcome.

Dear Redneck in the Pick-Up Truck,

I’m sorry. I fear you may have mistaken me for someone that you know? Because for the life of me, I don’t know why you found it necessary to honk your horn as you drove by me. I mean, surely it was a friendly honk of hello because you thought I was someone else? And when you shouted out of the window, “Hey, baby”…how old is your friend that her nickname is still Baby? Perhaps she is a fan of Dirty Dancing? Please know that my look of surprise and disgust were simply because this line of thinking reminded me how sad I still am about Patrick Swayze.


Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner

Dear Bakery,

Thank you for being on my running route. Thank you for selling delicious cupcakes to me. Thank you for sometimes being the only reason I run. And thank you for not openly judging me for jogging out of your store while shoving said cupcake in my mouth.


I Eat Therefore I Run

Dear Dr. Scholl,

I know you are the poor man’s inserts. I know I’m supposed to go to some fancy running store and buy fancy pants shoe inserts. But between you and me, doc, I think you’re just fine. You keep my pronating feet from going all pigeon-toed, and I can still afford cupcakes. Win, win.

Your Flat-Footed Friend

Dear Beyonce,

Thank you for making up a good half of my running playlist. Thank you for singing songs that make me feel strong and empowered. Also, thank you for having real thighs. I bet you eat cupcakes, don’t you?


A Single Lady


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Copyright © Healthy & Whole [To Whom It May Concern: Running Edition], All Right Reserved. 2015.

by Brandy at February 26, 2015 03:36 PM

No More Bikini Body!

It was a Tuesday afternoon and I was trying to will myself to hold a plank for 10 more seconds. My arms shook and drops of sweat made jagged circles on my yoga mat.*

From the screen in front of me a chiseled blond spoke chipper words of encouragement while I grumbled expletives under my breath.

And then she said it.

“You’ll have that bikini body before you know it.”

I dropped to my knees into child pose…the best pose for the temper tantrum I was about to throw.

No. No no no no no no. NO!

Yellow Polka Dot BikiniWhat is with this obsession with the bikini body? With this perverse view of perfection that is all about tan and taunt skin, with no space for stretch marks or scars. Bikini body is not about health—it is about jutting hip bones and waxing and perky breasts.

Well guess what? I will never have a bikini body.

I don’t tan, I burn.

Years of being overweight have left me with sags and stripes.

I have lost 80 pounds, and I am proud of that. Or, I should be proud of it. But a bikini will not make me feel strong and proud. It will make me feel exposed and embarrassed.

Hear me out. There is nothing wrong with wearing a bikini.

But here is my foundational issue with the term “bikini body.”

It is the implication that I should look good for the enjoyment of others. After a cursory glance at the mirror in the bathroom to make sure the girls are covered and the sunhat is firmly in place, I won’t see myself or my bathing suit-clad body again until I am back in the bathroom showering off the salt and sand.

A bikini body is solely for the benefit of those looking at me.

So did I just get healthy and lean and strong for the enjoyment of others?

Heck. No.

I did it so I can play with my friends’ kids, and maybe one day kids of my own, without getting out of breath.

I did it so I can go on hikes where I gasp, not because I’m overweight but because the view spread out before me is breathtaking.

I did it because I believe I am worth filling my body with good things, not garbage.

I did it so I can look in the mirror and feel good about the person looking back. Not because she looks good in a two-piece. But because she is healthy and happy.

So no, I don’t want a bikini body. I want a body that I’m comfortable in. Even if that means I wear a one-piece. With a little skirt. That shows off my pasty legs.

I just want the best version of Brandy’s body. Stretch marks and scars and all.

*Side note…community yoga mats are gross. I use them, because I don’t like schlepping my mat back and forth between home and the workout room at work. But seriously. Gross. When I look at the wipe after cleaning the mat, I literally gag. Anyway, back to the story.


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by Brandy at February 26, 2015 03:36 PM

Trapped Inside

There’s a post-it note stuck on my mirror. I see it every morning when I stumble into the bathroom, my face crisscrossed with sleep lines, my cowlick asserting itself.

I see that purple note when I lean in close to the mirror to put on my make-up, hiding and highlighting.

And I see it again at night as I scrub that same make-up off, staining my washcloth, soaking the neck of my pajamas.

The note has been on my mirror since December 31. A friend who was checking in at my house while I was traveling for Christmas put it there. And every day, over and over, I’ve had to fight myself not to take it down

Not to crumple it and throw it in the trash.

Because most of the time, the note makes me uncomfortable.

Its words make me squirm and look away.

The note reads “You’re such a gorgeous lady.”

I don’t feel gorgeous most days. Because I have a secret.

Losing weight doesn’t make all of your insecurities go away.

In fact, you might even pick up some new ones.

I used to look in that very same mirror every day and feel sad that I wasn’t taking care of myself. Sad that I wasn’t healthy or strong. Sad that the person I could be was not the person I was.

Now, I look in the mirror and see a stronger, healthier body. But there are still so many layers of doubts and fears. My feelings don’t always align with my reality.

Actually, my feelings rarely align with my reality.

After more than 30 years of believing I am not worthy, I know it will take my spirit a little while to catch up with my physical transformation.

So, I’ve left that sticky note on my mirror. Because I need to listen to the words of those who love me, instead of the lies I’ve so long believed.

I hope there is someone in your life who leaves you a proverbial sticky note on your bathroom mirror.

What message do you need to hear today?



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by Brandy at February 26, 2015 03:35 PM

Unwritten Symphonies

Today was a long day. It was a day full insecurities. I got so deeply into my own head that I just couldn’t see my way out. All day I felt like the slightest breath of doubt would send me over the edge.

And to my utter amazement, I found myself wanting to go for a run.

No. Needing to go for a run.

It was almost comical. Because if you had told me two years ago that my reaction to a stressful day would be to go for a run, I would have laughed and laughed. And then I probably would have eaten a cookie. And laughed some more.

I can’t explain to you when the change took place. When I switched from running because I needed to burn calories to running because I needed to clear my mind.

But what I can tell you is I rushed home from work today and changed into my running clothes.

I pulled a hat on my head, because I believe if it’s below 50 degrees, you absolutely need to run in a hat with a pom pom.

I pulled on my running tights (which I still don’t understand how they keep me warm, but I’ve stopped questioning it). My long-sleeved t-shirt. My puffy vest.

I laced my shoes tight.

And I was off.

Down the sidewalk, across the intersection, past the cold metal mailboxes dusted with crunchy snow. I concentrated on my breath, my stride. I kept my music quiet enough that I could still hear my feet pounding on the concrete.

Across another intersection. Cut through a muddy path that spits me out by the creek.

On the bridge my body finally feels like it loosens. As the mountains behind me grow navy blue in the twilight, I imagine my fears borne up on the frosty puffs of breath from my mouth.

I run into the park. Sometimes it’s filled with sledders cutting slick tracks down the hill.. Other times the field overflows with soccer players. But tonight it is quiet, a slim sliver of space where people are still driving home from work, children are doing their homework. I feel the best kind of alone. Like there are no witnesses to see the scales of sadness sloughing off of me. I imagine them shattering each time my shoe hits the sidewalk.

Up the hill, out of the park, across another bridge. I can turn right here, and almost be home. But instead I go straight, skirting icy patches that have formed under the pine trees. A right turn points me towards the mountains, darkened to inky purple.

The cars have their lights on now, and the shadows rush down the fences before sliding past me. My breath is ragged now. But I know one more hill, one more turn, one more intersection, and it is all downhill.

I just have to make it to the downhill.

There I will run faster and faster until I feel like I’m floating. Like the weight of everything that drove me to this run is scattered along my path.

My fear of loneliness fell off when I crossed from Dublin Boulevard to Rangewood Drive.

I left my crippling insecurity at the intersection of Downill and Flintridge.

And I shook off the last bit of second-guessing at the corner of Banjo Drive.

I don’t understand it, this new way of running. But I just know that when I untie my shoes with fingers numb from the cold, a weight has been lifted.

I hope you can find the thing that helps you shed the things that hinder you.

So you can run the race.


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by Brandy at February 26, 2015 03:35 PM

Retraining my Taste Buds (and a sorta, kinda recipe)

If you were to ask me to close my eyes and imagine the taste of my childhood, it would be Little Debbie oatmeal pies. That soft, ever so slightly spiced, oatmeal cake with the white cream filling that left your mouth coated with…something both chemical and delicious.

The taste of college? McDonald’s hamburgers and fries. Our cafeteria was, shall we say, lacking, so my friends and I often ventured down the street to McDonald’s where I would order the two cheeseburger meal, hold the cheese. The bread was soft, the hamburger was…meat-ish. And the fries were salty and crispy and, let’s face it, delicious. I can practically feel my lips dry out from the salt just thinking about it.

In my 20s, there was a lot of take-out. Food that tasted good precisely because it was not good for me. Lots of cheese and butter and pasta that left me feeling uncomfortably full, yet still vaguely hungry.

Suffice it to say, I haven’t always made the best eating choices. So in my 30s, when I began this journey to be healthier, the transition from processed and greasy and salty was a difficult one. Vegetables tasted like sadness. Whole wheat left my mouth coated in disappointment. Butter ripped from a recipe made the angels cry.

I feared I had broken my taste buds.

Maybe you’ve been there? That place where all you want is the grease and the fat because, dang it, it tastes good! But I want to tell you, good food can taste good too. Eventually.*

Finally, finally, I can appreciate fresh food. Even call it delicious.

It is complex.

It tastes like food is supposed to taste.

I just never knew.

How whole wheat toast, just this side of burnt, can taste like a camping trip, a sleepy evening by a dying campfire.

I never knew how creamy an avocado could be. How, when splashed with some lime juice, it could taste buttery and tart and like summer.

When that bread, topped with that tangy avocado, is finished with thin slices of turkey, the edges peppery, it would turn into this crunchy, creamy, chewy masterpiece. Sprinkled with salt, eaten open faced, balanced on fingertips still slightly puckered from squeezing that lime and a little crusted with stray salt flakes.

It’s simple. It’s real. It’s less a recipe. And more a way of life.

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(*It is here that I confess to you I am not a whole-food-clean-eating-fanatic. I like cooking with fresh ingredients. But I also like white flour and sugar and Diet Dr. Pepper (I KNOW). So please, know there is freedom in this. I am only a partial hypocrite.)

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by Brandy at February 26, 2015 03:35 PM

5 Tips for Getting It Done: Mealtime

I’ve had a lot of people ask lately how I get mealtime done after work. And first of all, I will say that cooking for one person is a bit easier than preparing meals for an entire family. First of all, I’m only thinking about my likes (bacon) and dislikes (olives), instead of trying to think through an entire family’s likes and dislikes.

Also, one dish can feed me for days because, yay leftovers!

But…I don’t want to discount the fact that it can be hard. I have nobody to help with the shopping, prep or clean-up, and after a long day, it can be really tempting to just eat a bowl of cereal.

Also, one dish can feed me for days, so sick of leftovers!

But, I do have some things that work for me. So I will share them with you :)

1. Meal plan. I can’t recommend this enough. Meal plan the heck out of your meals. Once a week I sit down with a bunch of recipes and try to figure out what I’m going to eat that week. Sometimes I cross-reference it with what’s on sale. Blah blah blah. Don’t get too caught up in the details, though. Make a list of dishes, make a list of groceries, take stock of your pantry. Once I’ve made my list, I usually do my shopping on a Saturday morning (or a weeknight at 8 when my Trader Joe’s isn’t bananas crazy). Meal planning works for me for a few reasons. One, I can plan the foods that take longer to cook for the days I can devote that time. It helps me to remember to thaw meats if I know what day I’m eating them. It saves me from going to the grocery store after work on a weeknight (always a terrible idea for me).

2. Use your slowcooker… I love me a good crockpot meal. And I love coming home to a complete, or nearly complete, meal. I’m hoping to post some of those recipes here in the coming months.

3. …and your freezer. As a single person, if I make anything over 6 servings, I can’t finish it. So, if I have a recipe that’s 8 servings or more, I will freeze half of it immediately. Or sometimes I’ll double a smaller recipe to freeze it. This works for things like chili and casseroles in particular. When I post recipes that are good for freezing (like this butternut squash lasagna) I will try to remember to include instructions for freezing. For most things, I can stick it in the fridge the night before and can cook it from at least mostly thawed, which cuts down on cooking time.

4. Don’t cook gross food. Seriously. This seems simple. But one thing that motivates me to cook is because I know it’s going to taste good. Use fresh ingredients. Use lots of spices and seasoning. Herbs are your friend. Please don’t be afraid of recipes with lots of steps and a long list of (simple) ingredients. Also, please stop saying you’re a bad cook. You may be an untrained cook. But that just means you need more practice :)

5. Shortcuts are your friend. This may seem to kind of contradict #4…but you can find shortcuts that work for you as you prepare that good food. You also need to figure out what works for you. Maybe you LOVE chopping onions. I love buying frozen onions when I don’t feel like sobbing over my cutting board. I actually buy lots of frozen vegetables (peas, corns, carrots, peppers, onions)–these are especially good for soups and stews since the texture is not as important. I also like to buy rotisserie chickens from Costco and chop/shred them and freeze them in 1-cup batches. This is great for casseroles and baked pastas in particular (I will even thaw the chicken overnight in the fridge or reheat it in a skillet with a little chicken broth).

Honestly, none of this is rocket science. Just a few things that have helped me not to stand in the middle of the kitchen, eyes glazed over, as I reach for the Cheerios.

But honestly, occasionally having Cheerios for dinner is not the end of the world :)


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by Brandy at February 26, 2015 03:34 PM


26/28: Chess Rumble

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

imageThis is a very cool story of a young man who uses chess to stay out of trouble on the streets. Besides being an engaging graphic novel, this book is popular with the members of the chess team at my school.

Other books by G. Neri that are great:
Ghetto Cowboy (a novel based on actual urban cowboys)
Yummy: The Last Days of a Southside Shorty (one of the most popular graphic novels at my school)

by Kari at February 26, 2015 11:37 AM

February 25, 2015


25/28: The Great Greene Heist

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

imageI wrote about The Great Greene Heist over the summer, and I highlighted its Ocean’s 11 cleverness, its diverse cast of characters, and its nerdy fun. All of that is still true, but I also wanted to say that I love it because it is a contemporary story that features black characters and isn’t set in an “urban school” environment. I love those books because my students can relate to them, but I also want there to be a diversity of black experiences on my shelves. Jackson Greene helps me broaden what I can offer.

I probably love this one a little bit more than my students because I am so familiar with Ocean’s 11, but if I can get them to watch the movie as well, then I am definitely winning.

by Kari at February 25, 2015 11:17 AM

February 24, 2015


24/28: Finding My Place

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

imageWe have three books by Traci L. Jones in my school library, and all of them are popular. I picked Finding My Place because I love the cover. It is set in the 1970s and features Tiphanie, whose parents move to the suburbs, causing her to be the only black girl in her school. I like that this is set in the 70s, which is a time period that my students are curious about, and it is a much more graceful portrayal of the difficulties of race relations than many (most) books for this audience.

Her other two books:
Standing Against the Wind
Silhouetted by the Blue

by Kari at February 24, 2015 11:17 AM

February 23, 2015


23/28: Drama High

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

imageDrama High is another crazy popular series at my school. You can pretty much tell what it is about (drama at a high school). It fills the same need for my students that Sweet Valley High filled for me (and I mean that in a good way – I loved Sweet Valley High in middle school). As students figure out who they are as readers, it is great to hook them on a series and be able to hand them the next one. Drama High really fills that need for me. I don’t always get my copies back, but I am often able to find used copies to supplement at the local used bookstore. Highly recommended for middle school girls.

Two similar series that are also popular:
Del Rio Bay
Kimani Tru
So For Real

by Kari at February 23, 2015 11:11 AM

February 22, 2015


22/28: The Bluford Series

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

imageThe Bluford Series is the number one most popular sdries in my school. It is a low-level/high-interest series that focuses on the different students at Bluford High. The stories intertwine, but the books don’t really have to be read in any particular order.

This was a series that was a little bit of a surprise to me when I moved from the public library to the school system. It’s one of those things that is well-known in schools but not as well-known outside of that environment. Townsend Press has a lot of great offers for schools, and the series is available for just $2 per paperback copy. The Bluford Series is not great literature, but it is great for your reluctant readers, both boys and girls. Did I mention it is the number one most popular series at my school?

Some of the Bluford authors also worked on the Urban Underground series, which is not as popular but which students will accept when my Bluford books are checked out.

by Kari at February 22, 2015 02:07 PM

21/28: What Momma Left Me

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

imageThis is one that I have not read but which is very popular with my students (which was one of my goals, to highlight what they are actually reading). Since I haven’t read it, I am going to quote the description from the publisher here:

Serenity knows she is good at keeping secrets, and she’s got a whole lifetime’s worth of them. Her mother is dead, her father is gone, and starting life over at her grandparents’ house is strange. Luckily, certain things seem to hold promise: a new friend, a new church, a new school. But when her brother starts making poor choices, and her grandparents believe in a faith that Serenity isn’t sure she understands, it is the power of love that will keep her sure of just who she is.

I do know from discussions with students and from the cover that a cake recipe is part of what her mother left her. And I just want to say that one thing I really like about many of the books that my students read is that the faith communities play a large role in the stories, as such communities do in their lives (and, in life in the Bible Belt). Sometimes church and religion are ignored in YA literature so I appreciate books that weave them in (though I could use more books about Muslim teens!).

Anyway, I’m going to make it a goal to read this one this spring! You should join me.

by Kari at February 22, 2015 03:09 AM

February 21, 2015


20/28: Bad News for Outlaws

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

imageSome of my favorite books, both for children and adults, take a relatively unknown true story and bring it to our attention. The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks is a book that comes to mind, or The Man who Walked Between the Towers. The book Bad News for Outlaws is a little bit like that, in that it tells an incredibly interesting story of a black deputy U.S. Marshal who worked in the Wild West. This is a great tale, plus it opens students’ eyes to a place and time they are not very familiar with. I recommend it as a read-aloud for all ages, because there is so much to talk about.

by Kari at February 21, 2015 02:33 AM

February 20, 2015


19/28: We Could Be Brothers

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

Do you remember what you liked to read when you were in middle school? I read a lot of books that focused on a particular after-school special type message, whether it was problem novels or Christian novels (or, my favorite, Christian problem novels). I don’t want to neglect some of the ones that my students like just because I find them to be a little bit didactic, so I am going to make sure and include them as we move into in the home stretch. Ready?

imageWe Could Be Brothers is about two boys who discover that even though their lives are very different, they have more in common than they might have imagined. It is constantly checked out, and I recommend it for middle school students. It has a lot of the topics you might expect, such as bullying and family issues, but it is also very, very warm-hearted.

by Kari at February 20, 2015 01:17 AM

February 19, 2015


remember your death.

We had some snow and sleet on Monday evening, and temperatures have been so cold that things remain closed and cancelled, including last night’s Ash Wednesday service.

Atticus has been enthusiastic about Ash Wednesday for the past few weeks (I would say “oddly enthusiastic” but he is my kid so I am raising him to be a church nerd. Of course he is enthusiastic), so we didn’t want to disappoint him. I checked with some churchy friends to see if applying ashes ourselves would be heretical and decided to stake my claim with the priesthood of the believers. We were fresh out of palm leaves, so Mike burned a piece of the Japanese maple beside our side door. I applied the olive oil to make it stick, and we were ready for business.

Except. Watching the minister put ashes on your kid (as in years past) is different than putting them on him yourself, telling him that he is made from dust and to dust he shall return. My heart froze up a little bit as I said the words. No, I thought, he was made from love and grew inside me. I repeated the words as I marked Mike’s forehead, and he repeated them for me.

The part that went unspoken is that today is my dad’s birthday. I never know how to mark these anniversaries, but I feel their presence just as I feel his absence. Talking to Atticus about his own death was made even more intense by that reminder of what my dad has not been present for. At the same time, remembering my dad made me less afraid. We talk to Atticus about death all the time, to the point that he knows where my dad’s ashes are. I am thankful that the church gives us a season to talk openly about death’s place in our lives as we prepare for the Resurrection.

As soon as I applied his ashes, Atticus ran to check them in the mirror. I won’t say that we did a great job pondering our mortality yesterday, but we did follow through on one of my most deeply-held values, which is allowing Atticus to participate in the activities of the church, whether he understands them or not. Even if they make us all a little uncomfortable.


by Kari at February 19, 2015 03:24 PM

18/28: The Snowy Day

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

imageLook, I know you know about The Snowy Day. We all know about The Snowy Day. But it is important to have stories with black characters, and it is snowy here this week, and you should pick it up if you haven’t read it in a while. There is a reason that it is such an enduring classic, and it’s a lovely and charming book to be reminded of.

by Kari at February 19, 2015 01:38 AM

February 18, 2015


17/28: How It Went Down

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

imageToday we were out of school for a snow day and I finished a book that I got over the weekend from the public library, How It Went Down by Kekla Magoon. It’s an incredibly timely book about a black teenage boy who is shot by a white man. It’s told from varying perspectives as the people around him try to understand the story. Was he in a gang or was he a holdout? Did he have a gun or just candy in his pocket? Did he steal something or was the clerk just trying to give him change? It was impossible to read it and not think of Trayvon Martin and Michael Brown, but it also made me think of how we flatten their narratives and watch people insert themselves in the stories. I came away reminded that these lives matter whether these young men make perfect decisions or not. It also made me think a lot about how hard it is to really know someone, even our closest friends and family. Highly recommended for teenagers. I think it would make a great discussion in a social studies class as a framework for current events.

Kekla Magoon also wrote:
The Rock and the River, about a boy who feels pulled between his father, who works for Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and his brother, who is getting involved with the Black Panthers. Just as in How It Went Down, these complex issues are dealt with in a sensitive and thoughtful way. Also highly recommended.

by Kari at February 18, 2015 01:27 AM

February 17, 2015


16/28: March (volumes 1 and 2)

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

imageI am such a fangirl for the March graphic novels by John Lewis. When John Lewis was a young man, he was inspired by a comic book about Martin Luther King. He and Andrew Aydin and Nate Powell decided to take that same spirit and bring it to March, which uses the comic book format to bring the history of John Lewis and his participation in the Civil Rights movement to the next generation. I enjoy both the story and the format, but most of all I enjoyed the stories about John Lewis going to Comic Con to promote his book. These are great historical graphic novels and I love this as a way to explain these stories to my students.

Other graphic novels I like:
Malcolm X by Andrew Helfer and Randy DuBurke
Yummy by G. Neri and Randy DuBurke

by Kari at February 17, 2015 01:28 AM

February 16, 2015


15/28: We are the Ship

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

imageI don’t have a ton to say about We are the Ship, because its title (and its awards) basically explain everything. It tells the story of the Negro Leagues as if an old player is reminiscing. I have seen it described as a hybrid between a chapter book and a picture book, and that seems right to me. The artwork is gorgeous and the story is interesting. I recommend this for middle grades and middle school and anyone who likes baseball. Opening day will be here before you know it – go ahead and read this to prepare.

Kadir Nelson illustrated these other fine books:
Please, Baby, Please
Heart and Soul
Henry’s Freedom Box

by Kari at February 16, 2015 03:32 AM

February 15, 2015


14/28: One Crazy Summer

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

imageWhen One Crazy Summer won a Newbery Honor, I remember one of my favorite authors expressing dismay that it had gotten an honor instead of winning. I have to confess that I never read the book that did win that year but I really enjoyed One Crazy Summer. It is about three sisters who go to stay with their mother in California one summer. Their mother, it turns out, is involved with the Black Panthers. I loved this book because my students have so many questions about the Black Panthers and this book shows the positive side (feeding and educating the community) as well as some difficult interactions with the police. Most of all it is a story about s girl wrestling with growing up and with her relationship with her mother, which is something that most of us can understand. You can see from the cover that this is a book that is highly regarded and if you have not read it you should put it on your list.

I have not yet read the sequel:
P.S. Be Eleven

by Kari at February 15, 2015 01:08 AM

February 14, 2015


13/28: Max Axiom series

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.


Last week Mike and Atticus came home with a Max Axiom book about volcanoes. I have this series in my library at school and they check out a lot (as do all my graphic novels) but I have never done anything more than flip through them. Max Axiom is a “super scientist” and he takes the reader on a journey through a scientific topic, showing both the lab work and the field work. Atticus was enthralled, and I liked that the scientists that Max Axiom introduced us to were a healthy mix of male and female.

I have featured a lot of stories here that are particularly about how the characters experience being black in the world, but I don’t want all the depictions of black characters that my son and my students see to be specifically about race (or slavery, or Civil Rights). I like Max Axiom because he is just a super cool scientist. Definitely look for this series at your local library!

by Kari at February 14, 2015 12:14 AM

February 13, 2015

Daniel -

Bedtime Story

What shall I tell you about tonight
other than that not five minutes east
there’s this old road half-covered in not-road,
where giant metal beanstalks hold up the sky
a blanket studded with distant magic,
where we can gather like imaginary animals
and count stars until we fall asleep,
where it will always be this way,
where there is no other way,
where no one closes your door
and shuffles down the hall
to do this or that
ad infinitum
piling up

by ddeboer at February 13, 2015 05:22 AM

It Knows All The Saints

They say that
there’s this butterfly–it could be a moth
but no one likes moths–and when it moves its wings
it moves the world:

Nothing is ever the same.

It’s all bullshit
but that’s what we do to ideas.
We cut off the skin and wear it as a suit of armor.
If all movements matter,
none do.

They’re too busy thinking about movement.

The whole thing
is self-correcting and has been
almost since the very beginning–almost, but not quite.
There was a time when things mattered.
Now they matter less and less.

Step outside the universe for a moment
and come look with me at that time.
It is so short, so long ago,
but it knows all the saints.

These days
we move as if we move
but there’s no way to know for sure.
A man in a suit says one thing.
A man in a white coat says another.
They stand on each shoulder and argue with each other,
though both could be right,
or neither.

Or they are a butterfly landing on an arm
who is afraid and brushes off
with the wrong arm whose phone
goes into traffic and causes a jam
whose surgeon abandons the car
starts running and whose fingers tremble
when they cut through what must not be cut
and the child dies.

Or they are a butterfly landing on an arm
who doesn’t notice.

by ddeboer at February 13, 2015 04:57 AM


12/28: The Skin I’m In

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

imageA couple of years ago I did a book club with The Skin I’m In, which was the first time I had actually read it. Since then, a mentoring group we have at the school has used it several times. The book tells the story of Maleeka, a 7th grader who is teased because of her darker skin, and how her perspective changes through the influence of a teacher who has a birthmark (or possibly vitiligo?) on her face. The Skin I’m In is written in a straightforward, uncomplicated style that my students relate to and respond to. It makes for great discussions about the ways we see ourselves and the “flaws” that the world perceives. It’s also a good book to talk about bullying and peer pressure. I have never had a student tell me they didn’t like this one. Recommended for: middle school.

Other books by Sharon Flake that my students love:
Money Hungry
Begging for Change
You Don’t Even Know Me
Who Am I Without Him

by Kari at February 13, 2015 02:19 AM

February 11, 2015


11/28: Bronx Masquerade

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

bronx-masqueradeI used to work at a school where one grade level taught Bronx Masquerade by Nikki Grimes to their students and it was always a hit. The only problem for me is that there’s not anything else quite like it to catch their attention (except maybe now I could give students The Crossover). It’s structured as an open mic in an English class – we learn a little bit about each character and then they share a poem about their lives. The stories weave together and paint a picture of a 10th grade classroom full of teenagers with stories they are learning how to share with the world. I think it is especially great for teaching because this is a book that should be read aloud. (I think we should do more reading aloud to teenagers, but that is another story for another day.)

My students also like:
The Road to Paris (which does not feature poetry)

by Kari at February 11, 2015 01:23 PM

February 10, 2015


10/28: The Crossover

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

imageMy one YALLfest regret: I saw Kwame Alexander and I wanted to go and speak to him (because he knows my cousin) but then I couldn’t find the place where his book signing was and I guess I missed my chance because even if he’s there next year surely he will be mobbed because his book The Crossover won the Newbery!

I have a soft spot for novels in verse and for basketball stories so of course I was in the bag for The Crossover from the beginning. It’s about twin brothers and their family life and their love of basketball. Kwame Alexander’s use of language in the book, the way he plays with words and sounds, makes this such a worthy winner. I finally sat down and read the whole thing through and it was magnificent. It would be a wonderful readaloud for a classroom or a family, and it will draw in even the most reluctant reader. I am particularly pleased to see a book like The Crossover be recognized because so often the Newbery winners are about plucky white girls (a genre I love and was raised on) but it is good to see the award going to something different.

I don’t have any recommendations for additional titles today. Just read The Crossover and marvel at its greatness.

by Kari at February 10, 2015 11:49 AM

February 09, 2015


9/28: The First Part Last

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

The_First_Part_Last_(Angela_Johnson_novel)_cover_artAngela Johnson has written a lot of picture books, but I am not as familiar with those – my main knowledge of her work comes from two titles that are popular in middle school, Heaven and The First Part Last. Girls in middle school loooooove The First Part Last – it’s about a teenage father named Bobby who is raising his daughter alone because of a tragedy surrounding her birth. The cover alone does most of the work for me – doesn’t he look so swoony holding that baby? The book does a good job showing the stresses of teenage pregnancy and not glamorizing it (despite the swoony cover). Students love Bobby, and this book won both the Printz and the Coretta Scott King when it was published. A real and thoughtful story.

You should also read:
Heaven (another Coretta Scott King winner – the cover always looks young to me but the main character is 14)

by Kari at February 09, 2015 02:06 PM

February 08, 2015


8/28: Martin’s Big Words

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.


Pretty much every Black History Month list of books is going to include Martin’s Big Words By Doreen Rappaport and illustrated by Bryan Collier, but it really is just that good. The words and pictures come together to create a beautiful picture of Dr. King and the power of using your voice. If you have never read it, you really should.

When we read it to Atticus on Dr. King’s birthday this year, we had a good and difficult conversation at the part where Rosa Parks is arrested. Sometimes the rules are wrong. Therefore, I suggest you pair this one with:

I Have a Dream illustrated by Kadir Nelson
Rosa by Nikki Giovanni, illustrated by Bryan Collier (which I am particularly fond of because it makes it clear that Rosa Parks was not just a lady with tired feet who didn’t want to move but a woman with agency who made a choice because she was tired of injustice.)

by Kari at February 08, 2015 11:17 AM

7/28: Hazelwood High

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

The ALA awards this year hit all the right notes with me (except for the Printz winner, which I read back in the fall and recommended for, and I quote, “NO ONE”), and I will be mentioning them a few more times over the rest of the month. I was particularly excited about this year’s Edwards award winner. The Edwards award is given to a young adult author who has made a lasting contribution to the field, and it’s given for specific titles. This year, Sharon Draper won for six of her titles, all of which are very popular at my school. The three I am going to mention today are the Hazelwood High Trilogy: Tears of a Tiger, Forged by Fire, and Darkness Before Dawn. They tell the stories of three different teenagers at Hazelwood High, one who is dealing with the aftermath of a drunk driving incident, one who has an abusive home life, and one who is struggling with relationships after a suicide.

Sharon Draper wrote these books because she teaches English and wanted to write the kind of books her students (and mine) want to read. If there was one author I was tempted to post about more than one day this month, it would have been her.

Here are a few of her other titles:
Romiette and Julio
The Battle of Jericho
Copper Sun
Double Dutch
Out of my Mind

by Kari at February 08, 2015 01:44 AM

February 06, 2015


6/28: Bud, Not Buddy

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

imageI find Bud, Not Buddy To be a little bit young for middle school, but it was one of Mike’s favorite’s to teach when he worked with fifth graders. Bud (not Buddy) is ten years old, and often my students don’t like to read about characters younger than themselves.

In this story, Bud is looking for the man he believes to be his father. His mother has died and he escaped a difficult foster home situation. Like a lot of children’s books, it talks about a lot of hard things, but it does so with a particular deftness and humor. Maybe this is not a book that needs talking up – it won the Coretta Scott King award and the Newbery, after all. Mike is such a fan, and I know he can’t wait to read it with Atticus in a year or two, but it’s not a book I would be immediately attracted to (the cover, for example, does nothing for me), and if you are anything like me, you might need a little nudge to pick it up, too.

Obviously you should also read:
The Watsons Go to Birmingham – 1963

by Kari at February 06, 2015 11:34 AM

Daniel -

What Kind Of Person Would Choose This

Not just to pull them out of the hat but to arrange them too:
This half florist half magician all madman
Who bludgeons his audience with a ham in each hand
Until even that last patient leaves

What kind of person would choose to do this?
They’re getting greyer by the year but that’s okay
As if the world needs more bulls and buggies
With their cat of nine hundred pages

by ddeboer at February 06, 2015 03:35 AM

the tea is going cold

it’s ten already
it’s eleven

that todo from last week
is from last year

indeterminate fog falls
around yesters

somewhere close by the
tea is going cold

by ddeboer at February 06, 2015 03:09 AM

February 05, 2015


5/28: Tyrell

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

imageI’m going to be honest, I haven’t read this one yet. As a librarian, I often read the books that might be a little bit tougher sell because I need to talk them up a bit. This one doesn’t need my help – as soon as it comes in, it goes right back out, and when I have asked why my students like it so much, the answer is that, “It’s real.” Tyrell lives in a shelter with his mother and younger brother and his father is in jail. He is determined not to end up like his dad, but also desperately wants money to get his family out of the shelter. The book is based on Coe Booth’s experiences working with families and teenagers in crisis, which is surely what my students are responding to so strongly.

I saw Coe Booth at YALLfest and she was wonderful, and if this book is ever checked in for more than two seconds, maybe I will snag it for myself to read one weekend. Even without having read it, I knew I should highlight it this month. My one disclaimer is that all the reviews make it clear that Tyrell contains mature themes, so be aware before you start.

Coe Booth’s other books are also popular:

by Kari at February 05, 2015 11:37 AM

Daniel -

This is all a dream, a dream in death.

It takes minute detail. It takes a holy life. It takes emotions. It takes dedication.

It takes dedication.

It takes a death, and only God can allow it. You can’t do it if you’re not the seed of God, and so the path through the great corridor—-these are corridors unto his perfection–that is which the prophet and the Urim and Thummin has penetrated–through this great sea of blackness, I penetrated these corridors. And I went through that last segment where I went through these dark serpentines. I passed through that corridor where they sat, where they are.

And when you penetrate to the most high god, you will believe you are mad. You will believe you’ve gone insane. But I tell you if you follow the secret window, if you die to the evil nature, you will penetrate this darkness.

Oh yes, there’s many a man or woman that’s been put in the insane asylum when this has happened to them. They’re sitting there today. People think they’re insane. But they saw something that’s real. They see it when they’re on drugs–the only thing is they see it
not through the light of God, not the way I show you.

I show you to see it through the light of God and the understanding of God, because when you see the face of God you will die. And there will be nothing left of you except the god-man, the god-woman, the heavenly man, the heavenly woman, the heavenly child…

There will be terror at this day of night. There will be a song of jubilee waiting for your King. There will be nothing you will be looking for in this world except for your God.

This is all a dream, a dream in death.

From Lift Your Skinny Fists Like Antennas To Heaven.

by D.S. Deboer at February 05, 2015 01:57 AM

February 04, 2015


4/28: Ron’s Big Mission

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

imageI bought Ron’s Big Mission for Atticus when I was pregnant with him. I knew that it was about Ron McNair, the Challenger astronaut (who has Greensboro ties – he went to A&T), but not much else past that. It turns out that it is based on a true story about how Ron fought against segregation so that he could get a library card. Atticus knows it as the book where Ron jumps up on the library desk until the librarian will let him check out the books that he wants.

It’s a simple but powerful story, and a reminder that children see injustice. It gives us a great opportunity to talk about bravery and what we should do when we believe the rules are wrong. The pictures are charming and expressive and I love reading it to Atticus. I first read it to him just a few weeks after he was born, and we always read it on January 28th. This year we introduced him to the fact that we were reading it because it was the day that Ron had died, and it gave us another way to talk about Ron McNair’s bravery.

Also recommended:
I know illustrator Don Tate from the book She Loved Baseball: The Effa Manley Story, which we do not own but which I also enjoyed. He has a lot of other highly-regarded books I haven’t read yet, so I am learning a lot through this series, too.

by Kari at February 04, 2015 11:31 AM

Daniel -


life finds through the cold even
drifts higher than so
hopeful green drained
idling underground

what was never is
and so February passes
catch of held breath
rattled fillings

couldn’t drill deep enough
there’s still oil
once green drained waiting
viscous potential

the life of whose death
drives the whole thing forward

by ddeboer at February 04, 2015 04:46 AM

Daniel -

It still lives.

Holy crap. I haven’t written anything here for a long time.

Like… a long time.

But that’s okay. I like to think there’s some kind of quality trade-off here. Young me, past me, would write a lot and say very little. Present me and future me will perhaps say a bit more and write less frequently.

That might just a load of crap. I’m old and lazy. Who knows.

I still think things though. So if you’ll allow me (and even if you won’t), I’d like to write a few of these thoughts down.

Diminishing Returns

A lot of things are subject to diminishing returns. Sometimes this is okay, like when you need to squeeze that last 1% out to be the best hockey player ever. Other times I find myself wasting massive amounts of time without realising it (and I’m still not very good at hockey).

For instance: News. Unless you watch the news for a living (I’m sorry you’ve got to do that), there’s really no point in checking the news more than once a day. Or once a week even. Remember no matter what news outlet you’re browsing, they have a specific length (time, words, pages) requirement they have to fill, and every day the news just happens to fill that exact requirement. The worst is probably 24 hour news stations that either repeat the same stuff over and over again, report on ridiculous things no-one could possible be expected to need to know, or worst of all just drum up news (read: controversy) for the sake of having something to report. Yet even when I check the news once a week I often find I haven’t found out anything new that I care about.

Another instance: Threaded comments on the internet. First level comments tend to be okay. Second level comments can be decent replies. Third level comments are occasionally worth reading. Fourth level and below is pedants and trolls. Yes exceptions exist. But finding those exceptions will take so much time it’s rarely worth it.

The Frustration Zone

So you know when you’re good at something but not great? And you know what great looks like but you just can’t get there? I call this the frustration zone. I have this all the time. I’m trying to do something, I’m pretty good at doing something, but not good enough that I can translate from my head to my hands. I’ve heard this called a lot of things, but I call it the Frustration Zone. It’s a really hard thing to push past — sometimes it takes a lot of work to get to a place where you can semi-accurately translate your vision into some sort of final form.

Then add something like CSS into the mix. Not only do I have to translate a design from my head to my hands, I have to do it using CSS. It’s like nested Frustration Zones. So I guess maybe this should be:

CSS Sucks

There are really only two camps in the CSS world. 1) It sucks (currently learning, aka in the Frustration Zone), and 2) It’s great (mastered it, aka in the Stockholm Syndrome zone).

I don’t know a lot about a lot. I don’t know much about programming or designing programming languages.

What I do know is if you’ve designed a thing that can’t make a box THIS big and then put another box THAT big in the middle of that box without having to resort to some hack, you’ve done something wrong. I mean, come on, margin: 0 auto;? To me (and feel free to disagree on this) this is a hacky, gross way to do things.

The fact that CSS has been around for how many years and just now they’re figuring out flexbox? Or that display:table-cell exists?

Or even that every browser can look at the spec and implement it a different way. Or that I can’t tell the browser to make a box that never gets bigger regardless of how much border or padding I add.

I could go on. CSS just makes 90% of stuff really easy (but then anything that separated design from structure would do that) and 10% of stuff insufferably impossible.

The worst is the CSS zen masters who hate it when anyone complains. They basically Bane from Batman You think CSS is your ally? You merely adopted the stylesheet. I was born in it. Molded by it. As if the fact that they’re proficient in a broken system makes the system less broken. (This is also why we don’t ask the Stalins of the world what they think of Communism.) cf. Programmers proficient in PHP.

The Broken Telephone Zone

This one I get at work a lot. Sometimes at church too. When you’re trying to get an idea from your head to your mouth to someone else’s head and out through their hands. It’s like Broken Telephone, just with 2 people. And the more people that get in the loop, the less the final product resembles what you were looking for.

Particularly with software vendors. I’ve found the only way to really get the thing that you want is to actually give them the design and get them to make it look exactly like the design (and yes, this is why I’ve been complaining about CSS). And even then… always with the things.

4 Pole Spectrum

Most of the stuff that goes on a Good > Bad spectrum has a hidden second set of poles. Music, for instance, can be plotted on Good > Bad / Simple > Complex.

Thinking about it this way (though this isn’t the only way to think about it) allows you to bring a bit of wisdom to the sort of music you want to make. There’s a different way to be bad/simple than to be bad/complex.

But I’d say it’s a lot easier to be good/simple than to be good/complex. Like 90% of the complex stuff by amateur musicians is bad.

Good > Bad is kind of a simplistic way to look at this, though. Maybe we want to look at Inclusive > Exclusive / Simple > Complex instead. Let’s say we’re designing a live band. We have a pool of 10 musicians who all fall on a spectrum of amateur > professional, beginner > master, easy to get a long with > pain in the ass… whatever you want the criteria you’re inclusive of to be. So maybe you say “this isn’t band camp, it’s not important that everyone gets to play” and you decide 5 of those musicians aren’t going to make the cut. You’re left with 5. You have to divide these 5 people between let’s say 4 performances per month (every Saturday night at the bar, every Sunday at church). The choice is already made for you. You’re going to be exclusive/simple.

Now imagine you have a pool of 100 musicians. Even if you take only 20%, you’ve still got 20 musicians. Then the choices become more difficult. Do you want 4 different bands of 5 a piece (assuming you have an even instrument distribution which is another thing all in itself). Or do you want 2 bands with 10 people? Or something else?

In the church world this is whether you want to be Hillsong or not.

My default choice is Exclusive/Simple. But that’s a choice every band leader has to make.


There are only 2 acceptable blondes in the world:

1. Kristin Bell
2. Katrina Bowden

I have to amend this list. After watching Birdman:

3. Naomi Watts

Her performance in Rabbits is also to die for.

That Time Of Year

I love this time of year. For movies that is. Not for anything else. Everything else pretty much sucks.

Imitation Game – 100% will watch
Birdman – 4.5 of 5
Selma – 100% will watch
Theory of Everything – Don’t care, won’t watch
Boyhood – Will watch, will hate
Whiplash – 4.5 of 5
Grand Budapest Hotel – 5 of 5
American Sniper – ugh, love Mr Cooper, hate war films and also Clint Eastwood generally
Gone Girl – 4 of 5 – amazing for a thriller, just decent for a Fincher film
Two Days, One Night – 100% will watch
Wild – maybe? dunno about this one yet
Still Alice – nope, just nope
The Judge – boooooring, won’t watch
Foxcatcher – eh, probably won’t watch
Into The Woods – 100% will watch
Inherent Vice – already have the ticket
Ida – got it queued up, will watch

by D.S. Deboer at February 04, 2015 03:46 AM

February 03, 2015


3/28: Monster

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

imageIf I were to have to make a list of the top ten YA books of all time, I would try to get out of it because it’s too hard. There are three or four that I know would make the list, though, and Monster by Walter Dean Myers is one of them. Walter Dean Myers, who died over the summer, wrote a lot of great books for kids and teenagers, but I think Monster was his masterpiece. (I haven’t read everything, though, because he wrote a ton, so if you want to argue about this I am open to hearing you out.)

I first read Monster when I was working for a professor who taught a YA class and I had to check the students’ summaries so I read a lot of the books to make sure that the summaries were valid. Monster is about Steve, a boy who is in juvenile detention and on trial for a robbery/murder. The book alternates between Steve’s journal and the trial, written in screenplay format because Steve loves filmmaking. The format is interesting, the topic catches students’ attention, and the question of guilt is not resolved neatly. Walter Dean Myers was one of the all-time greats, and this is my favorite of his books. You should read it.

My students also love:
Autobiography of My Dead Brother
Handbook for Boys
What They Found: Love on 145th Street

I also recommend this piece by Walter Dean Myers that inspired the We Need Diverse Books campaign.

by Kari at February 03, 2015 11:33 AM

February 02, 2015


2/28: Brown Girl Dreaming

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

Today is a big day for book nerds, the day that the ALA awards (such as the Newbery, the Caldecott, the Printz, and more) are announced. I think this year they might cancel all the awards and just give everything to Brown Girl Dreaming by Jacqueline Woodson. Sorry to everyone else who wrote things this year.

image As I was writing this post I realized that somehow or another I left Brown Girl Dreaming off my list of books read last year, so I never actually talked about it. If you are unaware, it’s a memoir of her childhood told in verse. I loved it for a lot of things, including as a coming-of-age story, a fish-out-of-water story, and for her mastery of language. Jacqueline Woodson has given us a great gift, and I hope she wins all the awards today!

Other Jacqueline Woodson books my students love:
Locomotion and Peace, Locomotion
If You Come Softly
After Tupac and D Foster

by Kari at February 02, 2015 11:04 AM

February 01, 2015


1/28: Sit-In

Every day in February, I am celebrating Black History Month by posting children’s and YA books that you should know about. I am not going to claim that this is an exhaustive list of the best and the greatest, just that they are books that have resonated with my family and my students. Some of them feature historical figures, while some are contemporary fiction. For more great books check out The Brown Bookshelf and We Need Diverse Books.

Today, February 1st, is a big day in Greensboro. It marks the anniversary of the Greensboro sit-ins from 1960. Inspired by Dr. King and his words about nonviolence, four NCA&T students staged a sit-in at the lunch counter of Woolworth’s. The sit-ins sparked others throughout the state and region and lasted for months until the lunch counter was fully integrated.

image My favorite book about the sit-ins is Sit-In: How Four Friends Stood Up by Sitting Down by Andrea Davis Pinkney, illustrated by Brian Pinkney. I love the illustrations and I think it does a good job of showing where our sit-ins fit into the larger struggle for civil rights. I also like the way that it uses their order (a doughnut and coffee with cream on the side) to talk about an overall “recipe for integration.”

I love to start February by reading this book to Atticus. Check it out if you haven’t!

Bonus materials:
Freedom on the Menu by Carole Boston Wetherford (also about the Greensboro sit-ins)
Wikipedia on the Greensboro Sit-Ins
Greensboro lunch counter at the Smithsonian

by Kari at February 01, 2015 11:23 AM

January 26, 2015


what I have been reading (end of January edition).

My True Love Gave to Me: Twelve Holiday Stories edited by Stephanie Perkins, featuring stories by Rainbow Rowell, Gayle Forman, Matt de la Pena, and others (I purchased a copy)

At YALLfest, I saw a panel discussion on this book of holiday short stories and it sounded so fun. There are Christmas and New Year’s stories as well as a couple of Hanukkah stories. I didn’t get around to reading it during Christmas, but I decided to read it in January rather than waiting. It’s really great. Of course I liked some of the stories more than others, but there weren’t any I didn’t like. They all had something to recommend them. This is a nice addition to a YA collection or a fun gift for a fan of these authors. My only complaint is that I wish there were more African-American authors and characters in the collection. There was diversity in many other ways, so I missed that particular aspect. Other than that, a thoroughly enjoyable read.


Young Money by Kevin Roose (via the public library)

Roose’s book The Unlikely Disciple was one of my favorites from last year, so I decided to give his newer book a try (it came out in 2014). It follows eight new hires to Wall Street and tries to explain what they do and what their lives are like. They are all working in the post-crash, post-bail out Wall Street, so their experiences were somewhat less decadent than they would have been a decade earlier. The new hires all had a certain amount of ambivalence about their work which makes sense, because these are the people who agreed to talk to him. He attended/snuck into other events in order to get the perspective of someone who had completely bought in to the idea of Wall Street. I came away from this book feeling more than ever that the world of Wall Street is nothing I would ever want to be involved with. Roose did a good job explaining enough of their work that I understood what they were doing without giving so much detail that I felt that the story bogged down. A great read about a topic I didn’t even think I would be interested in. As before, Roose is an incredibly warm and likeable guide through this world.

Queen Sugar by Natalie Baszile (via NetGalley)

Charley’s father left her a sugar cane farm in Lousiana. Needing a new start for herself and her daughter, she moved there from California to live with her grandmother, Miss Honey, and try working the farm. I found Charley’s voice and her struggles to learn about sugar cane to be enjoyable reads and I wanted to follow along. My only problem was that 25%-30% of the book is narrated by Charley’s half-brother Ralph Angel and he is a difficult fellow to like or to sympathize with. A drug addict and a thief, I felt like I could see where his story was going and I just wanted to skip to the parts with Charley. Even the attempts to humanize him did not do a lot for me. Overall, I enjoyed this book quite a bit despite Ralph Angel and would recommend it as a good summer read or a book club choice. Just get through those Ralph Angel parts as quickly as you can.

The Divine Magician by Peter Rollins (via NetGalley)

This book uses the idea of magic tricks/illusions to question what it is that we are putting our faith in – is it God or is it religion? I like Rollins but I did find the first part of this to be dense. I loved the discussion of new ways to view the story of the Prodigal Son (as a failure to upend the system since everything returns to the status quo) and I think that part of the book will stick with me the most.

Human Kindness and the Smell of Warm Croissants by Ruwen Ogien (via NetGalley)

It doesn’t sound like it from the title, but this is a book about ethics. I have not done a lot of reading on ethics, but this seemed like a good introduction and overview. It presented some situations I had heard before, but also went into more depth as it encouraged thoughtful living. Recommended as an accessible introduction to the topic.

Some of these books were provided by the publisher. As always, my opinions are my own.

by Kari at January 26, 2015 04:07 PM


Butternut Squash Lasagna

So, this felt like a good time to give you a recipe that you can serve on a real plate :)

First, I should clarify. I’m not a low-carb fiend that would throw myself on top of a plate of pasta like it’s a live bomb. All things in moderation. Plus, pasta sauce is really hard to get out of clothes.

So, sure, I eat pasta. But to me, pasta is a vehicle for sauce. So, subbing out noodles for something else is something I’ve definitely been experimenting with. If I can save some calories by using zucchini noodles or spaghetti squash, it gives me more calories for a really hearty sauce. Or, a glass of wine. Depending on the day.

But hear me out. I don’t do substitutions that taste like substitutions. I’m not going to punish myself by eating thin sheets of cardboard because they’re low-cal.

And that is why I’m so stinking excited to share this recipe with you. My friend Sarah shared it with me, and I can’t even get my mind around how good it is. And easy. And freezes super well.

Really, all you do is super thinly slice butternut squash. Preferably with a mandolin.*

Look. It's a terrible picture. But it is SO GOOD I cannot be bothered with photography.

Look. It’s a terrible picture. But it is SO GOOD I cannot be bothered with photography.

Put down a layer of thinly sliced butternut squash (uncooked). And then you put down a layer of the yummy meat sauce you made. You can obviously use your own recipe, but be aggressive with the seasoning and thickness. It needs to be able to hold up well to slicing, and the seasoning needs to balance out the sweetness of the squash.

Then, a layer of mozzarella. I use part-skim mozzarella, because I think it tastes good. I also don’t use ricotta. I hate ricotta with a passion. It tastes like licking a sweaty gym sock. Seriously. It’s gross. But you know, to each his own.

Another layer of squash. Another layer of sauce. Then you bake it covered for 30 minutes. Uncover, add the last layer of cheese, and bake for another 15.

From your oven, you pull out a thing of beauty. Golden brown cheese. Hearty, delicious meat sauce. Slightly sweet squash that has just a tiny bit of bite.

It’s so good, guys. And keep in mind, you can just modify your favorite lasagna recipe, with your favorite sauce and favorite cheese mixture, and just swap out the noodles for the squash. But I’ll include my recipe just so you have it. I’m also including the nutrition information, for those who are interested. If you’re not, feel free to ignore it :)


Butternut Squash Lasagna (8 servings)


1 pound lean ground beef
1 small butternut squash, peeled and sliced into thin rounds
1 onion, diced (around 1 cup)
3 cloves garlic, minced
6 oz tomato paste
15 oz tomato sauce
1 Tbsp Italian seasoning
1 tsp onion powder
1 tsp garlic powder
½ tsp crushed red pepper
1 Tbsp dried basil
1 lb part-skim mozzarella, shredded

1. Preheat oven to 400’.
2. Spray pan with nonstick spray (I use coconut oil) and heat over medium heat. Sauté onion until translucent, then add ground beef and garlic until browned and juice is evaporated.
3. Add tomato paste, tomato sauce and spices. Let simmer over medium heat while you slice your squash.
4. Layer in 9×13 pan – half the squash, half the sauce mixture, half the cheese. Then repeat–the rest of the squash, the rest of the sauce (but hold the cheese!)
5. Cover with foil and bake 30 minutes.
6. Take off the foil, add final layer of cheese, and bake an additional 15 minutes.
8. Let sit 15 minutes. If you can. This is the hardest part of the entire recipe.


If you want to freeze it, just assemble the entire dish, including both layers of cheese. Cover and freeze, uncooked. Then you can either thaw it before baking, or cook from frozen at 400 degrees for one hour, covered, and an additional 15 minutes uncovered.  Since I’m just eating for one, I will often make two small pans, freezing one of them.

Nutrition for 1/8 recipe:
Calories: 300
Total Fat: 13 g
Saturated Fat: 7 g
Monounsaturated Fat: 3 g
Cholesterol: 69 mg
Sodium: 641 mg
Potassium: 1500 mg
Total Carbohydrate: 17 g
Dietary Fiber: 3 g
Sugars: 10 g
Protein: 27 g

*I know, mandolin’s are deadly (says the girl who once sliced her thumb open on a knife at William’s Sonoma and still has no feeling in said thumb). So, use with caution. Mine came with a handy-dandy glove. It is the most genius thing ever. It just occurred to me I should carry it in my purse, and if a crazy-knife welding person came after me, I could put on my glove to protect myself. But only my hand. Maybe I didn’t think this one through completely.

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Copyright © Healthy & Whole [Butternut Squash Lasagna], All Right Reserved. 2015.

by Brandy at January 26, 2015 03:47 PM

Buy the Red Pants

I was browsing the clearance section at my local Kohl’s a few years ago. My fingers flipped nimbly by the smalls, mediums and larges, only pausing when I got to the hangers marked XL.*

On another rack I quickly moved past the cute single digits and plunged well into the double digits. Almost out of the teens, but not quite.

And buried there among the elastic-waisted, polyester pants that make up plus-size purgatory, I found a pair of red pants. Apple red. Skinny legged. I looked at the tag. They were my size—18.

But. Fat girls don’t wear red pants.

Do they?

Flickr Creative Commons

Flickr Creative Commons

Red pants scream “look at me!” And I had spent my entire life hiding me. Wearing flowy tops that concealed my stomach. Wide-legged jeans that hid my thighs. I had 30 cardigans, because cardigans covered a multitude of sins.

My wardrobe was the color of a rainy day in the city—browns and blacks and grays.

But those red pants. I couldn’t put them down. I walked around the store with them for 20 minutes, shaking my head at the absurdity of it.

Yet, I bought them. I took them home and wedged them in my closet. For weeks I would pull them out, try them on, but I couldn’t bring myself to walk out of the door with them.

Until I did.

I don’t want to overstate the significance of those red pants. But I think they were an important milestone on the journey. I bought them before I had lost a single pound. I bought them when I was at the heaviest I had been.

I bought them in a size that made me uncomfortable and sad.

But I think, in part, I bought them because I knew something needed to change.

And maybe I finally believed I had the strength to change it.


If you get nothing else from this post, get this. Buy the red pants.

Or the leopard print skirt. Or the cute heels or the giant belt buckle or the awesome tie. Buy the thing that won’t let you hide. The thing that makes you feel crazy and sexy and strong.

Buy the thing you love, and love yourself while you wear it.

Wearing the things you hate will never prompt you to take care of yourself.

Hiding will not help you embrace yourself.


Today, I wore a different pair of red pants. The size was smaller. And maybe I wore them with more confidence. But they reminded me of that old pair that I took to a consignment store a few months ago. I hope that someone stumbles upon them and pauses. I hope they will stop saying “I’ll wear red pants when I’m skinny.”

I hope they buy the red pants.

*An acronym, by the way, that has never made sense to me. Why an “X”? The word “extra” starts with an “E” for goodness’ sake. The X always felt like a banishment of sorts. But I digress.

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Copyright © Healthy & Whole [Buy the Red Pants], All Right Reserved. 2015.

by Brandy at January 26, 2015 03:44 PM

January 25, 2015


a poem for sunday.


As ideas about words and images have been debated over the past weeks, I have wondered what it is that I find to be disrespectful in the extreme. What is out of bounds or an affront to God? What will I teach Atticus about these things? As I was thinking about it, I clicked on the transcript of Jeff Chu’s keynote at the GCN conference and found this poem.

“Compassion” by Miller Williams

Have compassion for everyone you meet
even if they don’t want it. What seems conceit,
bad manners, or cynicism is always a sign
of things no ears have heard, no eyes have seen.
You do not know what wars are going on
down there where the spirit meets the bone.

In my own life, the ways that I am sharp-clawed and desperate come most often from feeling misunderstood, unappreciated, and unseen. When someone takes the time to see and hear my story or to offer a kind word, I feel human again.

That’s what we hope to convey to Atticus, the importance of seeing the humanity of the people in front of him, that everyone carries, along with their worries and fears and hopes and dreams, the image of God. I need some practice at this myself.

by Kari at January 25, 2015 10:28 PM